mommy on the verge

Mommy on the Verge Says Goodbye

2006-06-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

Dear All My Blog Readers/Commenters/30 second Bloggers
Yes, tis true. After much thought and sadness, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot keep up my beloved blog anymore. (Start the violins).
Starting and creating this blog was such an adventure and really started my creative juices flowing...and we all know how those can lay dormant as we go on with our lives.
I am not going to bore you with how busy I am, blah,blah, blah, who gives a crap, we are all busy and do this for our creative outlet.
But, I will let you know that I have decided to use the creative time normally spent on blogging to finally try to get some stuff into some magazines. I don't know the whats or the wheres, but I do know that when I turn 40 by the end of the year, I want to have at least one rejection letter in hand to say 'I did it, see, here's proof!' Or who knows, maybe buy myself a Cape Cod and say 'I did it, here's proof!'
When I first started to blog back in Feb., trying to get a comment was trying to squeeze blood from a stone! Shit, that was hard! But, I visited so many of you and left you comments and you stuck with me. I encourage all of you to visit all my commenters blogs, because you all have the same demented personality.
I have really REALLY loved being a part of this blogging community and who knows, maybe I will make it back into the blogging world in some way, shape or form. Blogging is so much more honest and creative than a lot of the crap we read in the print media... its a real lifesaver. And who else is gonna read all of our marriage, dating, baby pooping stories and offer encouragement? Huh? I will leave my blog up for about a week and then...say, it's been fun! I have also donated my 1 day ticket to the BlogHer conference..to some needy college starving blogger.
Okay, I will leave you off with a quote then, given at Santa Clara University's commencement ceremony:
"Now we send you forth on a mission: to confront ignorance with competence; to challenge selfishness with conscience; and to fix what is unjust with compassion. "
Rev. Thomas Reese

Britney..Oh, This Should Be Good

2006-06-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

Note: I have not been able to post photos on eBlogger for a couple of days. Effin' eBlogger sucks the big one. So, I will not be posting with photos for the next posts.. I didn't want to post this week until the problem is fixed, however I have a renter this week and that is not fair to her. So, do what Barney sings 'Just Imagine! Just Imagine!'

Yes, I like these one on one celebrity trash interviews. I like to see them bob and weave out of 'certain questions' and then smile, and then cry, and then I like to see the so called journalist really feel like they are making a difference by their hard hitting questions. It's entertainment folks, plan and simple! And I gobble it up like a fat lady at a pie eating contest in Mayfair USA.
Here is how I think it will go:
Matt: "So, Britney, what's going on with the all these allegations of you being a bad Mommy?"
Britney: smack, smack..(gum chewing) Starts to Tear Up. "Well, Matt, it just hurts, is all, Ya' know? Hurts. It's like, I'm just trying to be a good Mommy, and everyone trips now and then with their baby. Ya know? Just ask the other mommies, it like, happens!!"
Matt: "But, to be fair, that was after you had three Pina Coladas at the Ivy."
Britney: "Ya see? This is what I'm sayin! Can't I have some drinks in private? And that's why I fired my nanny's Brazilian ass and got a GUY white nanny. He like, is so fit and can keep up with me! And IF Preston should fall, well I just KNOW he will be caught by my Man-Nanny."
Matt: "What about driving without Preston buckled up in his seat?"
Britney: "Here's the thing Matt. There is a whooole lot of us in small towns that drive without their babies in car seat. (smack smack) Don't look at me that way! It's TRUE! We all just sit them on our laps cause we know we are just driving to the corner market to get some cigs and the chances are slim to none there would be any kind of accident."
Matt: "Well, again to be fair Britney, you were on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, where there are dangerous curves and a lot of car accidents."
Britney "Who you sayin' has dangerous curves!! Why you big flirt (smack smack). I know your just missin' Katie and all, so I will let you get away with that comment! I'm sure Kev wouldn't mind none."
Matt: "Where is K-Fed right now?"
Britney: "He took Preston to Vegas, he's such a great Daddy!' My Momma is with him though, to keep him straight. She's probably whoring it up though, knowing her!"
Matt Thinks: Oh God, if I could just make it through this interview, without staring at her cleavage, I think I have a shot at ABC Nightly News. *******

Hot House Momma & Summer TV

2006-06-13T15:58:00.000-07:00

I'm her new slum lord...Hot House Momma. She 's going through some home remodeling issues right now, so if any of you have any advice for her on dealing with flaky 'consultants'...go give her a post! She's very honest and sassy and I like that!
So, what are people 'tivoeing' this summer? Now that my Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Top Chef and the Office are done with...what's a housewife supposed to do at 10pm? Whatever projects that are piling up on my end, do you think I have the energy to start them at 10pm? I think not. I need a good show to eat with my lowfat microwave popcorn. And no, I don't have HBO.
I did tivo some of Kathy Griffith's, Life on the D List and that was kind of entertaining. Husband and I are waiting for the new season of Project Runway to start and I hear there is some reality show on a Moms Book Club in Scottsdale AZ that is supposed to be cheesy but good.
Let me know if you all have heard of anything. Please no lectures on watching late night tv or turning off my tv...or recommending sexist sitcoms! (see 6/10 post!).

Book Whore Monthly

2006-06-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

I'm a book whore. Everyone who knows me...knows this about me. And I'm damn proud of it. Here is my monthly blog post 'Book Whore Monthly'.. which I am the only member. All your bitchy and lovely comments are very most welcome.

Here is the book I'm *reading this month. 'Consuming Kids' The Hostile Takeover of Childhood, by Susan Linn. Which I checked out of the library and grabbed off the shelf when I was supposed to be watching my daughters in the kids area.
In a nutshell, psychologist Susan Linn is pretty pissed off about how 'marketing executives are working day and night to send irresistible messages to our children.'
Don't you remember those Saturday morning commericals for Lucky Charms and Barbie Make Up Heads when you were a kid? I LIVED for those toy commercials. Of course, I new better to ask for any of that stuff...because my parents were good at saying HELL, NO! And you knew better than to keep on asking..or the tv would promptly be turned off and then chores started. So, it was better just to keep quiet and silently wish to be doused in sugar cereal and to have my room littered with every type of Barbie on the planet.
I just finished reading her thoughts on the Miss Spider franchise and author David Kirk being kind of a sell out to Target. Hey, what childrens' author doesn't want to make a million dollars? Please. These people probably ate Top Ramen for years before they got their book published.
I actually plead guilty about buying those Miss Spider gardening tools at Target. We even have the ladybuy sleeping bag. Which, to tell you the truth, my kids think is very itchy and they don't even LIKE the Ms. Spider cartoon very much. No, it's Mama who thinks those products are too adorable!
Though, I do have to say, when we were in Tarjay this morning, my youngest daughter was saying 'look, Princess'! Look, Care Bear! Look, Dora! And, what is very sad to say...is that no, we weren't in the toy aisle, We were in the snack aisle.
So, this book has really raised an awareness as far as using children characters as marketing gimmicks. Kids Characters are first introduced through books, then tv, then the CD & DVD, onto their diapers, at the fast food joint, furniture...where does it all end? Certainly it doesn't end when we are adults, I own a Hello Kitty purse!
*reading: skimming chapters and actual reading of paragraphs where I see relevant.

Fatty Dads & Skinny Mom Sitcoms

2006-06-10T23:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah Buddy, you don't have anything to apologize for because your sitcom lets you be as fat as you want and gives you a hot skinny Mom to play off your dumb jokes. Now you have a book out that perpetuates the myth of the beer drinking belching Daddy who sits in the recliner while watching football...oh, and still has the hot skinny wife who whines at you and stamps her foot, and oh, isn't she cute? I hope your book FAILS LIKE MOST OF YOUR MOVIES!
Yes, I am bitter. I'm bitter about all these sitcoms and commercials that have all these lard ass Dad's and these anorexic looking wives. I know this has been written about before, but why haven't any changes been made? What do you think the casting agents are saying?
"Okay, we need an actor to play the Dad in this SO not funny sitcom. But, we need something wholesome for our advertisers. So, we need an 'everyday' guy, like John Goodman was in Rosanne. One Big Funny Teddybear! But, wait! Don't make the wife as fat as Rosanne! We don't want America to know the average size for a woman is 14. God No! We need a little eye candy to be in the kitchen and hauling around that laundry basket while she shakes her ta-tas in Juicy Couture sweats. Who should we get?
Jamie Gertz: taken by Still Standing
Leah Remini: taken by King of Queens
Courtney Thorne Smith: taken by According to Jim
Marge: taken by the Simpsons
Okay, it killed me to add that last one, since that's one of my faves. So, here is what I want to see for the next sitcom. Maybe Delta Burke married to Grant Show? She gets all the jokes while he has to play her wing man?
WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS? THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'! I DON'T EVEN WATCH THESE SITCOMS (other than the Simpsons of course) BUT IT MAKES ME SICK TO SEE THIS TREND.
Okay, I'm going to go into a mental collapse if I keep on writing!

Nursery Rhymes for Mommies

2006-06-07T23:11:00.000-07:00

Pick up Styx

One, Two

Pick up their shoes

Three, Four

Shut Your Door

Five, Six

Find Pancake mix

Seven, Eight

Always Late

Nine, Ten

Start Over Again.

I'm not one for the traditional nursery rhymes. I don't even think we own any Mother Goose books, come to think of it. When I read to my daughters, I like to change the wording around...the princess' go away to college, travel and THEN marry if they so choose to. Or if I'm tired I say 'and they lived as friends for a very long time.' We did have a Humpty Dumpty book though, which our oldest daughter would worry very much about Humpty falling. Even though he was put back together again, daughter said 'he's not the same.' So, we stopped reading that one!

On Another Note:
Baby Powder is having a very interesting discussion about breastfeeding. I won't go into it here since I am very much done with it, thank you very much. But, I really do find all the difference of opinions pretty fascinating reading. Go check out the posts, interesting I tell ya!

Why you crying Mama?

2006-06-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

You know when your pms-ing, how weepy you get. I know I have written about this before, but WHY DO PEOPLE AND ANIMALS ALWAYS HAVE TO DIE IN DISNEY MOVIES? My kids were watching Brother Bear and I caught a snippet, and just the opening scene when they were running after the bear trying to kill it made me start sniffling. When I went back to see if the movie was almost over, the mama bear was coming back from heaven to hold her cub, Koda and the spirits were turning the young man back into a bear so he could take care of Koda. All these spirits coming back from the other side! A Mama Bear is gone but looking down on her cub from Heaven! The brother from Heaven is trying to show his other brothers not to kill and to honor nature! The weepy music! Let's start the waterworks people. I had to quickly go to the sink to pretend to do dishes so my daughters wouldn't see me crying.
I remember my Mom taking us to see E.T. way back when. The part where Elliott flies up into the sky with his bike, was more than I could handle. Let's not even talk about when E.T. says goodbye. But, I was a teenager and hormonal anyway, so it was okay to cry. I will never forget though, a little boy was sitting on his Daddy's lap in front of me and the boy said, 'Daddy, why are you crying?'
Though, on a cheery note, I did take my kids to go see 'Over the Hedge' and it was just all out good fun. Loved the characters and it just made us all laugh.
Let's have more of those cheery movies please...I'm begging the animators, for my sanity and for both my daughters. And, so I won't have to go digging around for used Kleenex in my purse in a dark theater. Thank you.

My Own Ads

2006-06-04T21:06:00.000-07:00

This is why I could never be an ad copywriter...I speak the truth. I found this ad in our Sunday coupon section this morning for $2.00 off some tampons and other 'feminine' necessities. The woman in the ad was faceless and was wearing such a hipster outfit! Well, that needed to change with my Magic Markers! So, here is my ad copy for my new 'feminine' product (though when we talk about being feminine in our society, that doesn't really conjure up images of monthly massive hemorhaging...well, wait a minute, what if you wearing a pink bow while it was happening?) .
New Krotchex
Now Double Comfort and Legendary Protection. Double the comfort that feels just like a babies diaper and legendary protection because for the first time, a pad actually works.
The wings don't actually fly right off but will stick to your panties so you will have to grab it with both hands to pull it off and make a bloody mess.
No one said this time is an easy one for you, but with Krotchex pads, we expect you to have fits. Period.

On another note, please check out my new renter, Self-Proclaimed Supermom. She's funny and she posted such a great wedding photo of her and her sis. I LOVE black and white wedding photos!

Dirk & Betsy

2006-06-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

"But, honey, with the Kenmore 5000 Washer & Dryer set...you could do like, 20 LOADS of laundry in ONE day...and the salesman says it even gets off all those skidmarks you hate doing by hand! THINK OF IT!" It will save you time so you can get dinner started earlier!!
"Well...I mean...I just don't know hon..you seem so excited about this. AM I supposed to be excited? Am I supposed to be happy about doing wash? I mean, I have my Masters for Godsakes!"
"Honey, Please! You overthink things! Didn't your mama tell you that you would have to do this once you got married and have a family?"
"No, not really. She said I was bright and my good grades would lead me to a good career and ...*sniff* I BELIEVED HER!"
"As always, I have to crack your fantasy bubble. All that feminist shit you were fed, did not tell you that no matter how high you climb up that career ladder, you would still be expected to do all the housework as well. Why is it that I always look like the bad guy here for telling you the truth about life?"
"Oh, Dirk, your not the bad guy. It's ME. I'm the bad wife and mother. I should WANT to do all these chores...I'll change, I promise! How about a martini?"
"That's my girl. That's my girl."

Forgot My Boyfriend

2006-06-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

Oh my Gosh! 100 wet Top Ramen noodle slaps for me for forgetting my boyfriend, Matthew McConaughey on the Cutest Butt in 501's award. I must have had a huge brain fart when writing my last post to forget about this hunkofhunk of burning love.
Mr. McConaughey grew up in a small town of Uvalde, TX. which is where we have to drive past in order to get to my parent's hometown. We ususally stop at the Diary Queen in Uvalde, and I always hope that Matthew will be sitting there, in his baseball cap (with shirt on or off, I will take either) licking the last of his Dilly Bar. *SIGH*, But, he never is... well, a girl can always hope!
He was on a rerun of Oprah the other day, and I think she was smitten after he made her drink a tequila shot so they could have a good 'sit down.' I think 'O' was thinking about what was under those jeans, but had to supress her nasty thoughts because of Steadman.
I haven't seen any of his latest movies, but some of my favorites he's been in:
LoneStar, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, & Dazed and Confused.

Hope Floats

2006-05-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago, when I was visiting my aunt and uncle in Texas, my aunt had asked me if had seen the movie, Hope Floats. For some reason I said 'yes' even though I had not. I think I answered 'yes' because I didn't want her to think I had not seen the one and only movie that was shot in their little hometown of Smithville, TX.
My aunt had then procedeed to take me on a 'Hope Floats' tour of Smithville, where every live shot had ever taken place. She showed me the house they used in the movie, where the actors had eaten, had taken their breaks, where new sets were built, etc. etc...
Well, I finally got around to seeing the movie last night, and can finally appreciate all her Hope Float movie facts. It's a pretty good movie. I liked how the female character (Sandra Bullock) doesn't have all the answers and she doesn't try to sugarcoat her messy divorce details from her young daughter. But, I ESPECIALLY liked, no LOVED, Harry Connick Jr. in his 501's! YES SIR! NOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT PEOPLE! Unfortunately, there were no photos of his butt in 501's at the Smithville historical museum, I will have my aunt get right on that.
Best Actors in the Best Butt 501 Category
1. Josh Holloway, Lost
2. Dennis Quaid
3. Kevin Costner
4. Harry Connick Jr.
5. Jessie Metcalf, Desperate Housewives
Okay, I know I probably left a lot of hunky men out, but I gotta go make dinner!

My SF Giants Moment

2006-05-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, I actually had a REAL baseball moment today, unlike my last post which was semi-related to baseball...this is the REAL DEAL. Every Giants season, our wonderful friends who are season ticket holders...invite us to a game. Well, it just so happened that today was our day to go, and as luck would have it, Barry Bonds hit his 715th home run!!
Bonds is obviously surrounded by all this steriod controversy...but, you gotta give the guy his moment...and the fans definately did just that.
Photos taken in excitement by me and my Kodak EasyShare

My Field of Dreams Moment

2006-05-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

No, it's not a baseball moment... Sorry to disappoint you! Field of Dreams is a movie sooo full of blind faith connections, which is one of the reasons I love it so much. There is a great scene where the wife (Amy Madigan) is attending a PTA meeting at her daughter's school. And then the PTA start talking about censoring some schoolbooks and nobody says anything. And then she can't take it anymore, so, she stands up to say just to make a point, and then it turns into another point and by now she is TOTALLY fired up and her husband (need I really say who this is?) has to take her outside, and she is SO FULL of radical energy, she's PUMPED! I really like that scene, even though its such a small scene in the movie, it really speaks volumes.
I left two chatty posts last night, one with Babaloo and another with Adventures in Juggling, that got me thinking about this scene and because something similar played out in my university class on special education.
Without going into a novel-like post, hear are the two things that are connecting with me and this scene. One, is that I'm going back to school at 39, and I no longer feel the need to sit in the back of the class, take notes, and dutifully answer any questions that come my way. 2) In my 20's, I really didn't care what anybody really said, unless it was directed at me. You could say whatever you wanted, I didn't know any better, and I probably thought since you were speaking up in class about an issue, you were very smart and wanted that 'A'. All I cared about was meeting my friends at the Beer Garden.
Okay, so the night of my last class, we were all presented a case study on a special needs student and asked for feedback. Because most of it is confidential, all I can only say that this girl was from a war torn country, had been staying in a refugee camp and fled here to the US with her father, leaving Mom and siblings behind. Obviously, she comes to the public school system with loads and loads of serious emotional and academic problems. One of them was that she sometimes fell asleep during class.
Here is how my 'Amy Madiagan' scene played out between me and an emergency credentialed young burly male teacher:
Me: "Arrange for the district to place a bean bag or mat of some sort in the back of the class so she has a place to rest. Maybe set a timer for a 5 to 10 minute rest time."
Burly Teacher Guy: "No, that's not going to work. Then everyone in my class will want a bean bag, send her to the nurses office."
Me: "By sending her to the nurses office every time she dozes off, you're not setting up an inclusive environment for her, you keep sending her away from your class, basically saying you don't want to deal with her behavior."
Burly Teacher Guy: No, I don't want to deal with that behavior and nobody sleeps in my class, and nobody gets a bean bag."
Me: "But, that's YOUR JOB to deal with her behavior. It's the LAW. You create the least restrictive enivronment possible for a special needs student, you can't keep sending her out of your class, your'e basically telling her she's not wanted."
Burly Teacher Guy: "Yeah, well the law is on the side of ONE student and I got 25 other students I gotta deal with!"
Me: I didn't shout, I just raised my voice and stood up and said to him:THIS STUDENT CAME FROM A REFUGEE CAMP! SHE CAME FROM (xx) COUNTRY! IT'S THE LAW YOU CREATE AN INCLUSIVE ENVIRONMENT FOR A STUDENT WITH SPECIAL NEEDS!" YOU DON'T KNOW WHY SHE'S FALLING ASLEEP, YOU DON'T! WHAT IF SHE'S HAVING NIGHTMARES AT NIGHT?
Burly Teacher Guy (now ticked himself) "THEN SHE BELONGS IN SPECIAL ED, NOT MY GENERAL ED, SHE'S GOT TOO MANY ISSUES!"
Me: "Least Restrictive Environment! Least Restrictive Environment!!! (this pertains to the law which states to put special needs children in the least restrictive environment possible, I thought I would just keeping saying it over and over).
Believe me, the whole class was all trying to talk over one another at this point, you don't put a bunch of student teachers in the same room and have it be quiet. It's always loud. Our professor was smiling, know she did her job of encouraging 'discussion.'
I don't mean to paint Burly Teacher Guy in a bad light. He's a good guy just trying to teach his class with the limited essentials given to him. The point of the post is this: You don't have to agree with what I was saying, but don't wait until you are turning 40 to stand up and say what you really believe in if someone is challenging that belief. Life's too damn short.

Clay Gets Scary, Carrie Gets Sweeter

2006-05-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

I can finally get back to some sort of 'real life' now that one of my classes is over, and all my season finales are over. *Whew!*
I'm a huge American Idol fan, even though I fast forward through most of it (I never FF'ed through Taylor's songs!), I will still always Tivo it. I have the CD's of Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia and Carrie Underwood, and I listen to them all the time. Scary, huh? And oh yeah, I bought a Clay Aiken Christmas CD last December. Though I think Clay scared away most of his housewives fans away last night with his 'new look.'What's with the Beatles bowl cut dude? Where's that cute orange spiky hair? I'm not playing you this Christmas looking like that buddy.
I won't go into all the details, but my 3 favorite moments were: Prince, Prince & Prince. And, oh yeah, Mary J. Blige just rocked the house! She knows how to work it and I love her for it.
And another favorite moment is when sweetie pie Carrie Underwood sang her sweet country tune, I thought she looked gorgeous with all those blonde curls and her green eyes, DAMN, can't I look like Barbie for just ONCE in my life.? I do have to tattle on Carrie though, she has a naughty song on her latest CD, and for those of you who have ever been cheated on, you will appreciate these lyrics:
Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,and she's probably getting frisky...
right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey...
Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...And he don't know...
That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat...
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires...
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Couldn't have said it better myself doll, you go girl!

Vaginas at Bay to Breakers Race in SF

2006-05-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here, studying for my final tonight, listening to George Straight full blast, AND surfing blogs to gain points on B.E. (I'm a multi-tasking baby!) and I came across THREE blogs in a matter of 15 minutes, that posted on 'vaginal' issues. WHAT'S GOING ON PEOPLE? Has the earth shifted somehow in the last 2 days where a cosmic force has taken over women bloggers to write about their Koo-Koos? Well, because I'm a big believer in freedom of speech, I say: go forth women, go forth.
I have a certain older Uncle, who tries to answer everything with sardonic wit. EVERYTHING. So, for instance, if I told him that women bloggers were writing about their vaginas lately, he would say something like:
1. "Well, that's a hairy issue, wouldn't you say?"
2. "Whoa, whoa, let's not go down there!"
3. "Sounds like that topic has been open wide!"
4. "Wow, that sure smells fishy." ( I don't like perpetuating this concept, but I have to be true to his voice).
NEW RENTER: Someone has actually dedicated a blog to the cartoon, 'The Backyardigans.' I really do love those cute little guys and I ADORE the songs. So, check it out! On the other hand, I don't think my new renter thought I would be writing about vaginas today, so please go over and say somthing nice and innocent.

Mommy Gene Simmons Comes Out Again

2006-05-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

I call this my 'Gene Simmons Kiss Face'. It comes out more that I would like it to. I am working on more 'Mommy Kiss Faces', but all my creative time is taken up with watching season finales this week. I have wrote about her before, but she came by to visit again...
So on Sunday morning, I had snack duty for daughter's softball game. Because I found out only the day before (thanks sis!), this snack was going to be store bought Krispy Kreme donughts. Everything was going smoothly: in the store, picked up boxes of donughts, daughters behaved well and and got back to car. Very smooth. We are still okay here.
You know how you have the car door open and you are leaning over to strap in your little one and wipe nose, give them goldfish, or whatever that you are taking up a bit of the next empty parking space because 1) your car door is very wide or in my case 2) your butt is very wide. Anyhoo, I try to be very conscience of this fact, so if its a crowded parking lot, I will do any 'extras' later. This means I just strap in and go. I don' t wipe boogers, I don't give out sippies. I just go to free up my space. You have to remember I live in a very crowded Valley, with many people who are very frenzied and harried. I fit in quite well.
Well, this particular quiet Sunday morning, there was pretty much an empty parking lot in front of this grocery store, PLENTY of spaces all around. So, I was very surprised to hear a car idling...waiting for the empty space next to mine, as I was bending over to put Youngest Daughter in her car seat. I looked up. I looked around. I saw bazillion empty spaces. I went back to buckeling, and arranging, and wiping. I still hear the car idling...waiting. And then, I lost it a little. 'Gene Simmons Kiss Face' starts to morph my face and I stood up and said:
'BUDDY! LOOK AROUND (and I waved my hands so he could see the vastness of empty parking spaces) THERE ARE PLENTY OF SPACES! BUT, NOOOO! YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR MINE! And then some fire came out of my mouth, but since I was a bit hungover, it was more like just puffs of smoke with a spark.
You would think this older gentelman would have gone on to one of those empty spaces after seeing my 'Gene Simmons Kiss' face. He did not. He waited. So, I slooowly made sure my girls were properly in the car seats before I turned the key to leave. And of course, after he pulled in and I pulled out, I rolled down the window and yelled' HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOT HAVING TO WALK THOSE TWO EXTRA FEET!'
Wow. What a role model I'm being for my girls, huh? I'm just taking it day by day here folks.

Beaches & Kleenex

2006-05-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

If you ever get a chance to walk along the ocean with friends...please do.

Best 6 Gal Friendship Flicks, OTHER than Beaches (which I still love)
1. Muriel's Wedding (1994 Australia.. a must see)
2. Fried Green Tomatoes (1991)
3. Walking and Talking (1996)
4. Boys on the Side (1995)
5. Chantilly Lace (a HBO? movie)
6. Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (2005)
I had just five at first, then I remembered 'Sisterhood.' And even though it targeted younger audiences, my girlfriends and I had some serious Kleenex action. I left out Thelma and Louise cause I didn't like the ending, not that I didn't like Brad Pitt though...he should have kept that sexy cowboy persona, it really worked for him.
The guys friendship flicks are no brainers: Shawskhank Redeption, Stand By Me, Wedding Crashers..we could go on and on here.
Am I missing some other films about womens friendships? It seems like they are very few and far between.

Off to Santa Cruz, leave comment for renter

2006-05-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
even though its a hazy & cloudy day in Santa Cruz, we cannot pass up invitation to 'sit' (ha-ha, we have kids) by the ocean and have a b-bq at a friend's beachouse.
My renter, Clusterfook is writing her little butt off in her own blog-a-thon, to raise awarness on cancer (was she diagnosed with ovarian cancer?) and about her missed doctors appointments and serious weight gain. I applaud her for being so honest about her life. If you can, please shoot her a supportive comment.
Will try to take some good photos to share! PEACE OUT! (yes, I'm back at university with a bunch of 'young-uns' and that is how they taught me to say goodbye).
Photo: trying to sit and study while my inlaws' dog Misty comes to say hello.

Deleted post, Gavin Lust

2006-05-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

I had HUGE problems with my blog yesterday. It seriously was giving me ulcers. It was very out of whack for most of the day and then when I went to edit my post I ended up deleting my post. It's now past midnight and I don't have the energy to post the same thing...once its gone, I'm done.
Part of the post though, was that I so adore SF Mayor Gavin Newsom. I want him to take me to a SF gala where he has to wear a tux and me a big ball gown and we dance the night away while drinking French champagne. I think Husband would be okay with that since he hasn't worn a tux since his senior ball, and I think it was a powder blue one at that.
I wrote Mayor Newsom a nice card after he started advocating for gay marriage rights and I actually got a letter back from his office saying 'please don't stalk the mayor.' No, he really wrote in his own handwriting in big black pen 'THANKS FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!!' He could have had many assistants write that thank you, but he must have heard the desperation in my words and offered me a small nugget of his kindness.
A lot of people got on him for giving out marriage certificates to gay couples and saying he lost us the election. They said he pushed gay marriage to the forefront and the Democratic party didn't want to focus on that issue in 2004. But, phooey I say.
"The time is always right to do what is right" (MLK) and that's what he did.

New Renter & My Deep Blog Thoughts

2006-05-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

Howdy all you fine people out there. Yes, I get to say words like 'Howdy' and 'Ya'll' cause I've spent MANY of my youthful summers in the scorching heat of the great state of Texas, visiting relatives.
I'm a new slumlord now! My new tenant is Clusterfook, and she likes to keep her posts short & sarcastic...yet, honest. I like that. Plus, she was the first to bid on my space, so I rewarded her for her quick draw. Smart cookie. She's fun and she is also renting her space to the Daily Bitch, and I just love all this bitchiness going on here! Clusterfook dedicated her post to LiveStrong day...wear yellow today in support of cancer awarness. Will Do!
DEEEP BLOG THOUGHTS (cue mystical music...yes, I'm ripping of SNL's DEEP THOUGHTS)
1. I blog, therefore I am.... I am WHAT? A needy bloggin' whore who loves comments even though she says it doesn't matter.
2. Cliques in Blogland. Yes, people group together becomes of their personalities. You can't stop this from happening, it just does. All we can do is support each other, and if ya don't like what I have to say...move it along missy and mister. HOWEVER, if you have a post that I feel is racist or totally abusive towards women...I WILL comment (with utmost repsect of course) saying that 'I don't agree...'' Thats your freedom of speech and I respect it, but I won't come back.
3. There are many personal diary and parenting blogs I like to read that have over 25 comments...I don't feel the need to add my comment unless I REALLY REALLY feel compelled to do so. Doesn't make me stop reading these popular blogs.
4. My blogroll: It's obviously small. I try to do 'shout out's' as much as possible, rather than blogrolling. I also like to change by blogroll every couple of months and rotate my favorite blogs. I never blogroll any blogs that don't comment on mine. I just figure they have so much traffic, they don't need my measly mention.
I would like to thank Bridgermama for starting this conversation... (ya see, I DO do shout-outs!).
Go wear something yellow!

Leif Garrett in Jail

2006-05-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

Associated Entertainment Pissy Press: Santa Monica, CA. The AEPP was granted an interview with fallen teen idol, Leif Garrett in his prison cell in Southern California. Leif was arrested for failing to complete his drug rehab.
AEPP: "Oh, wow. YOU'RE LEIF GARRETT? What happened to you? You gold locks, your succulent lips, your big eyes... Gosh, now you look like, like..just an average druggie.
Leif: "Yeah, yeah, get over it lady.""Look, I'm so glad you came, bathroom is down the hall. Just make sure to clean it up real good."
AEPP: "What are you talking about? I'm here for a celebrity interview."
Leif: "You mean you're not Rosa? Carlos' sister? He didn't send you with the..uh..the stuff?"
AEPP: "Nope. Sorry, got nothing, not even a nicotine patch. Can't help you there buddy."
Leif: "Sh*t! ARE YOU SURE? Can you stick your finger up there to see if there is anything stashed up in any of your orifices?"
AEPP: "Dude, look, they body searched me before they let me in, and they were pretty THOUROUGH if you know what I mean...so, PLEASE, I just want to ask you a some celebrity questions for my readers."
Leif: "Look, I already know what you're going to ask. Where did I go wrong...another teen idol tragic story, blah blah blah... I've heard it all and I don't have anything more to say."
AEPP: "Well, okay. If you're going to be a druggie dick about it, just one question really. Would you sign my 1977 copy of Tiger Beat with you as the centerfold?
Leif: "Fu*k, let me see that thing!! No way! I was HOT!" Sh*t, gimmie that pen, course I'll sign that. Sooo, you were pretty into me huh?"
AEPP:" TOTALLY!" I had to do soo many chores to get the money to buy your album! I still remember when my Mom took me to Tower Records to get it! You looked like such a babe in the tight white polyester suit with the burgandy shirt! I couldn't wait to get it home to play 'Run Around Sue!!'
Leif: "Yeah, those were the days." Hey, you seem like a nice young lady. You wanna help a fallen teenage idol get back up again?"
AEPP: "Ummm, what do you mean by that?"
Leif: "Here. Press your body against the bars here...and I can feel you up."
AEPP: "Wow. What an offer. But, I think I'll pass." "GUARDS! IM READY TO LEAVE!"
Leif: "Yeah, youre' one of THOSE groupies. Tease and taunt me, but when it's time to give it up it's like 'oh, I'm sorry, just because I was waving my boobs in your face while you were singing, doesn't mean I want to fu*k YOU!"
AEPP: "Good luck Leif!"
Lief: "Hey, if you see Rosa out there, send her the f*uck in!"
The AEPP is a fake press organization, and just like so many celebrity interviews, this one is completely fabricated.

Blisters on My Special Day

2006-05-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, the day we decide to go to San Francisco, it felt like it was friggin' 90 degrees (though it SAID it was only 71!). Sis and I were looking very cute to go to our play today on our Mothers Day outing, we even got to SF early to do a little 'window' shopping near Union Square. We caught our bus to go into the city center and then...it broke down. We decided we would just walk down Market St since we were too cheap to hail down a cab. 2 miles later, I was sweating like a pig from the heat and had blisters from my cute white sparkle flip flops...not exactly hiking shoes here. Though, I do have to say, we were wished 'A Happy Mothers Day' from many homeless people and even though they shook their 7-11 empty cups at us, that doesn't mean their sentiment wasn't heartfelt. One of them even asked me to 'plant one right here baby' as he pointed to his cheek. God knows he could have pointed somewhere else so I just said "Thanks, but no thanks!"
I do have to say that sis fared better than I once we finally got to the theater off of Union Square. She is a marathon runner and all she had to do was put on a little lipstick to look fresh as a daisy. I, on the other hand, looked like a drowned rat with sweat under my pits and most of my makeup melted down my face. This theater had such a tiny bathroom, there was no room to do a 'sink bath' or to do a complete make-up rehaul, so I just said 'fu*ck it.'
I felt sorry for anybody sitting next to me, but sis said I did not smell (that bad). The play was so hilarous that any mascara that was left on my eyelids, was rubbed off from my crying with laughter (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee).
Husband did well with the kids all day and took them swimming with the cousins. When we got home from SF, he had made some 'Nascar' spicy chicken wings and made some margaritas. Because I was in such a frenzy to get my brunch done for my own Mom this morning, I couldn't take a photo of the yummy french toast. But, here is a picture of the Mothers Day lunch my kids made me yesterday. The menu: Diet Dr. Pepper in a cup. Chex cereal without milk. A Banana. Some Mexican Sweet Bread. 15 Red Grapes and some old minature carrots. Jelly Beans from Easter for dessert. Ahhh, how sweet!
Hope your Mothers Day was good, its okay to vent or brag about your day on your comments! I'm here for you baby!

Happy Mothers Day Y'All!

2006-05-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

I just did something fun while I'm supposed to be cleaning the house. I was reading BlondeMomBlog's and she directed me to Adventures in Parenthood to make a 'Mommie Trading Card.' Go check out the ones already made, it's such a nice tribute to all of us! I wish I could show it to you here, but for some reason, it won't download. That's me...ms. non-technical!
I'm getting this post out early to wish all of you a wonderful Mothers Day. It's a very special wknd for my family, our niece is going through first communion on Saturday and we all know what Sunday is! Or, those husbands who don't, ya better get on it BUDDY!
I'm a big french toast freak and I think I have 'perfected' my french toast dish(the secret is Challa bread!). I am making brunch for my Mom on Sunday, so I will make sure to take a Martha Stewart like photo of my dish! After brunch, my sis and I are leaving for San Francisco to go see a musical called 'The 12th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee', its supposed to be pretty funny...
Love to you all! PEACE! Go RELAX!

Kids Art

2006-05-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

I went to my daughter's art show last night...you just get so giddy seeing your kids artwork displayed! It's such a special moment.
Why are the arts and music the first to go when it comes time to cut classes? Don't you find that so sad? The art and music program at our elementary school is COMPLETELY run by parent volunteers and financed through donations and grants. I know its all about standardized testing now, but I do want my daughter to know the beauty of listening to a violin or looking at a Picasso . When they are young, that is the PERFECT time for them because they are so uninhibited and are so free with thier pencils and paints. Nothing is wrong, it's just pretty to them. Or the music just sounds 'loud' and 'neat.'
That's all, that is my only point today. I'm sad that there's not enough exposure to more arts program to more students.

Hitchock in Suburbia

2006-05-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

First of all, this bird. This bird has been tapping at our window EVERY DAY for the past couple of weeks. I tell Husband he better put some more bird food out in the feeder or that bird is going to bring all his buddies and its going to be like a Hitchcock scene in our backyard. I'm scared of this happening:
I will go out to feed the dog. I will hear one bird flapping to sit on the wire above me. Then another. Then another. It's eerily quiet except for my dog's tail thumping on the cement, waiting for me to put down the bowl. I will slowly slowly start walking backwards towards the back screen door and as I do, I look up and see there are about 80 birds all sitting on the wire. I will then grab my dog and make a run for it !! WE JUST MAKE IT INTO OUR HOUSE AND THEN I SLIDE THE SCREEN DOOR SHUT AND THEY ALL FLY INTO THE WINDOWS AND then some of them die. BUT SOME DON'T AND THEY ARE PECKING FURIOUSLY AT MY KIDS BARBIES THEY LEFT OUT BY THE HOT TUB AND CRAPPING IN OUR SANDBOX!'
So, you see what happens when you forget to put out the bird food?
tap tap...tap tap....tap..tap..
here I am at the actual schoolhouse where they filmed some of Alfred Hitchock's 'The Birds' in Bodega, CA.

Toys R Not Us

2006-05-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

I remember going into a neighbors house and walking into her daughters room, and noticing a very small basket of toys. I'm talking teeny tiny. And the Mom said 'we used to have a bunch of toys, but all she really plays with are those, so we gave everything away.'
WHAT? COULD THIS ACTUALLY WORK?? This little girl was only about 4 years old, and she was perfectly content on playing with the stack of cards and listening to her music box. She seemed well adjusted...
I do have to add that this family was from France...does that make a difference? Do Europeans know something about scaling back the crap that I don' t know?
I'm looking at our playroom as I type this. Its a wreck. We are having a garage sale in a month and I plan to make a clean sweep. GET OUT OF HERE all you worthless McDonalds toys! How many calories did you make me eat to get you??
I have to REALLY REALLY think what my daughters play with now. If I could pick a FEW things to keep...
Oldest Daughter: arts & crafts projects, coloring books and workbooks, play dough (much to Husband's dismay who HATES how messy it gets).
Youngest Daughter: Barbies, Kellies, Pretty Ponies, Lil Pets, arts and crafts, computer games, Polly Pockets, etc. etc., etc... okay, she's the problem, she wouldn't survive in France.
Hmmm, I really do think toy manufacturers sit in meetings saying 'What kind of crap can we convince parents to buy for their kids now? Yes, I was even taken in at Christmas with those damn Doodle Bears that are sitting there all scribbled on and not washed!
And, I'm definately not throwing away this Barbie Tent, our cats are now using it for hide and seek! At least this playtoy got a second chance!
What's the worst toy purchase you have ever made?

California Dreamin'

2006-05-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Hot tub is open! Kids are using it for Barbie play. Yesterday, they left them all out there so I thought I would let lay them out for a while. Yes, I know I'm strange, but it gave me a laugh.
"Yo', Blondie, go order me a banana smoothie with a shot of vodka."
"Can't you see I'm tanning here? Ask Sunny."
"Sunny. Banana Smoothie with a shot. NOW."
"Go f*ck yourself Ryan, get it yourself."
"Geesh, harsh ladies, real harsh."

Ding Dong Cake Revisited

2006-05-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, I actually made our local newspaper with this recipe which I blogged about a while ago. Though, for some reason, they did not print the photo!! So, for those of you coming from the San Jose Mercury News, here is the photo and the recipe.
And I was thinking of submitting this to Top Chef so I could got a spot on the show! Just kidding, but that show has been one of my favorites this season. Bravo just keeps those reality shows so caddy! Try to catch some of the repeats, they are definately a must see! It's also hosted by Billy Joel's wife, who is such a hotty..and what, only 20 years younger than him? But, I say nothing bad about Billy Joel, he's my man.
Recipe for Ding Dong/Ho-Ho Cake
1) Box of Ding Dongs, need double if you are doing a really, really high cake
2) Box or packages of Ho-Ho's.
3) Chocolate frosting to 'paste' them on top of each other: just a dab.
4) Embellishments such as fruit, flowers, or anything crazy!
5) Put in fridge for about 45 minutes, makes it 'set' so it doesn't fall or anything. Bon Appetite!

Mothers Day 'Wknd'

2006-05-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

We all know 'Mothers Day' really should be everyday, but who are we kidding here?
Every year since my oldest daughter was born, I have taken a 'girls wknd.' Now, it has not always been 2 whole overnights, but you can do a lot of trashy reading and girlfriend gossip with just one overnight and 2 whole days.
I remember telling that to a friend of mine, and her friend and husband were standing next to us, and this woman said to me 'you have taken a wknd off EVERY YEAR?'
And I said, 'yeah, I mean, I used to get 2 weeks off when I worked in an office, what's 2 vacation days a year? That's nothing.'
And then her husband said to her with nervous laughter, 'Now, don't you start getting any ideas..heh-heh.'
WELL, I OUTTA!!... GRRRR! IT'S TWO FRIGGIN' DAYS PEOPLE! I'M NOT TALKIN' TO TAKE A VACATION WHEN THE BABY HAS JUST POPPED OUT OF THE VAGINA FOR HEAVENS SAKE! BUT AT LEAST 1 YEAR OLD ! HUSBANDS, BE A MAN AND SUCK IT UP AND BOTTLE FEED FOR CHRISSY SAKES!
Eh-hem. Okay, here is my point. For this Mothers Day, even though it is nice for your family to take you to brunch (which BTW I am making for my own Mom), guess who is usually the one wiping the kids hands and chopping up thier food...YOU. Or, if thats not the case, its not like you can order a bunch of mimosas and get good and ripped in front of your kids and mom and mother in law. So, sometimes you need to take matters into your own hands.
Now, now...for those of you moms have those wonderful husbands who do EVERYTHING sweet for you on Mothers Day, don't get your panties all in a bunch over this post. I am HAPPY for you, I say KUDOS to you and your sweetie pie and let us know how he waits on you hand and foot on this special day and surprises you at every turn.
Husband is pretty good about Mothers Day. I usually say 'I need a spa day' and I get spa day. Now, many of you may think that this ruins the 'surprise', but don't knock it, it works for us and we like it that way. Plus, I'm always surprised with the kids and their gifts of hand print artwork or tissue flower boquets (we really say that's all we want, but its okay to admit a deep tissue massage sounds pretty damn good).
So, I continue to make my point of this: It's okay to plan your own Mothers Day if you want to. You are allowed some time on your own and its okay to have the morning with family and then to take off for some much needed R&R. Go ahead, you have my permission and you deserve it!
Here is a picture of me in Big Sur, VERY PREGNANT on one of my girls wknd in 2002.

I Ain't No Hollenbeck Kid

2006-05-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Every parent has to come to a decision as to when it is time to censor the kiddie music. Now I'm not talking about when Raffi becomes more like migraine music and you hit the mute button, I'm talking when your kid is six and going on thirteen and starts to listen to Gwen Stefani and Kelly Clarkson.
One of our local newspaper columnist, Mike Cassidy, wrote about how his 11 year old daughter is listening to "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas, (what are you going to do with that junk in your trunk..?) and he wasn't sure what to do about it.
Yes, well my daughter is six and she wrote off kiddie tunes looong ago. She looved listening to the 'Mama song' (Queen Latifa's, When Your Good to Mama) on the Chicago soundtrack when she was four. The lyrics? 'When your stroking Mama, mama's stroking youuuuuu!'
OF COURSE she doesn't understand the true meaning of that song, she just knows she likes the beat. She also likes Gwen Stefani's 'Hollenbeck Girl' and likes to sing when they spell out B-A-N-A-N-A-S! And I know Gwen really is trying to sing the word 'shi*t' but ends up saying 'shhhh' ...so why explain that to my daughter?
My parents didn't have to worry about all this nonsense because they listened to songs in Spanish when we were in the car. Though, my Mom did like Charlie Rich, so I did end up singing 'Behind Closed Doors' at a very early age. Hey, come to think about it, I also sang 'Afternoon Delight' when I was about eight. "Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite and the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting.." Boy, no wonder I have issues!
All I know is that I'm going to continue to let her listen to some pop songs while explaining that these are just made up stories that singers are singing and some of it is inappropriate for her to say. I know the lyrics will get worse as she gets older and I'm all prepared with the 'subjugation of women' speech the first time I hear 'HO' or 'BITCH' in one of her rap songs (hopefully, she won't like this type of rap, but she gets the speech anyway because of music videos).
You see, my daughter is like me, she will find a way to listen to things that are 'forbidden' and to read things that have been 'censored'. So, for now, she does get to listen to some of that Gwen Stefani music, but I'm always relieved when she still sings Raffi's Baby Beluga with her younger sister. Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea, swim so wild, you swim so free..

Monday Drivel

2006-05-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very overwhelmed with life today, does anybody want to help me get all my shi*t together? My school, my kids summer schedule, my messy house, my depleted bank account? And don't tell me to take a Calgon bath, because my tub is small and dirty! Okay, okay, here are some positive things to ponder:
1. Here are the strawberries I bought at the farmers market yesterday, they are delicious!
2. Chris O' Donnell on Grey's Anatomy. HELLOOO? How cute is a scruffy vet in a Gap sweater?
3. I'm going to go get a pedicure tomorrow and they give very nice calf massages.
Happy Monday! Oh, look, these photos go together! Strawberries + Chris+Feeding Him?...

Laundry Choo Choo

2006-04-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

Can anybody guess what I'm doing this wknd? It's never ending...don't you hate those commercials where they show women salivating over their washing machines? They are soooo friggin' happy getting those stains out! At least they dress us a bit better know, khacki or jeans with a twinset or nice t-shirt and keds. Come on people! Show a gay couple! Show an interracial couple...you COWARDS! Okay, my Madison Ave. rant is done for now, whats the most annoying appliance commerical you have seen lately?

Tom Talks Diapers

2006-04-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Associated Entertainment Pissy Press PARIS
The AEPP caught up with Tom Cruise in Paris where he is promoting his new movie 'M.I. MY ASS.'
AEPP: "So, why aren't you home with your newborn?"
Tom: "I don't need to be, I can visualize changing Suri's diaper and I can even smell the green poop when I meditate. What did you think of Mission Impossible M.A?."
AEPP: Is it true that the she gave birth in a Scientologist Compound and even though the nurses were sweet, they told her to 'please shut the f*ck up' when she started moaning?"
Tom: "No, that's totally false." (Tight smile) "Did you see the part in the movie where I hung upside down while having tantric sex? No stunt double!!"
AEPP: Wasn't it also true that after you left the room, she was only given an epidural when she begged and promised the anesthesologist she would autograph one of her nursing bras for him since he was a big Dawsons Creek fan?"
Tom: "I didn't hear that."
AEPP: "Yes, well I'm sure at this moment in an apartment in LA, there is some guy walking around with Katie's nursing bra on with the flaps open."
Tom: "I think that's the end of the interview. I'm sure you thought I was totally hot in this this version of M.I."(Tight TIGHT smile).
AEPP: "Wait, one more question! Why can't Keri Russell do all the promoting of M.I. MY ASS? Everyone loved her in the WB's Felicity and the girl rocks with those curls."
Tom: "Well, let's get something straight here. Keri refused to come to the Scientolgist tent I had on the movie lot. Even though we asked her nicely and politely, she still refused. So, I sent one of my guys over to her trailer one night to give her some spiritual guidance, and the next day she's telling everyone on the set she was given an anal probe by my security guy!! Can you imagine? She's going to hear from my lawyer!"
AEPP: "Ummm, okay thanks, I think I got everything" (freak). said off the record
Tom: "Sure, any time (BIG smile), and don't forget to tell all the bloggers about my awesome movie! Oh, and tell all your Mommy Bloggers that all that PPD, baby blues crap is a bunch of psycho nonsense. It's all about the rush man, the rush of life! WHOOP WHOOP!"(Tom raises his fist in the air).
THE AEPP IS AN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS SOURCE FULL OF B.S. MUCH LIKE MOST CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS.

Hoot, Hoot!

2006-04-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

My daughter loves bird watching.

As I was driving to pick up Youngest Daughter today at preschool, a city bus passed by with a huge advertisement for this new movie called 'Hoot.' My oldest daughter wants to go see this movie after seeing the the previews at the Shaggy Dog (sometimes it would be easier to see these kids movies if they had a margarita machine at the snack counter...'yummie! I will have a strawberry please and no butter with that, watching the calories here.').
My Oldest Daughter looooves animals, but even when the Shaggy Dog was about to have a needle put in him, she let out a loud scream. She nearly had convulsions when watching Benji and when we rented 'Lassie' she just cried and cried when she thought Lassie drowned in the river (and Husband and I were fighting back the tears as well).
But, even though some owls may die in this movie (I haven't read the book!), I know I want her to see it. The movie is how 3 middle school students who are trying to save some endangered owls in Florida, when developers want to bulldoze the owls habitat. And even though I'm not a fan of making people seem whole heartedly bad, like the 'big bad developer' and the 'big bad politicians' (in the Shaggy Dog it was 'the big bad scientists')....what I do want her to know is this:
If not you, than who? If not now, then when?
Okay, is that quote from someone famous? I thought of it when driving and it was just in my brain somewhere, but was it put there by an author?

Beauty of Oregon

2006-04-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

'The bare way of life is honest and beautiful,
We can hide nothing when we're like this'
-Rumi

yes, back from our trip. This is a photo of the girls running toward their Grandpa and his dogs..I love it!

And I Raise My Hand

2006-04-19T23:37:00.000-07:00

Today, I got a little teary eyed when I heard this song 'Believe' by Brooks and Dunn. Yes, this City Girl likes country music. I think some of the best writings about life are in country songs. Loretta Lynn is one of the best female writers around, but she deserves a post all her own. So, this song is about a boy who befriends an elderly neighbor and listens to the man's stories about his life on an old porch swing (gotta have those porch swings in country songs). This old man tells the boy he has lost his family, but he wasn't sad, because he knows he will see them again someday.*sniff*!
So, time goes by and the small boy is now in college then he gets a call from his mama saying 'old man Wrigley died.' Oh, don't mind me, I'm just crying in my minivan to this country song!
I'm not on overly religious person, but my favorite verse is:
"I can't quote the book, the chaper or the verse
but you can't tell me it all ends in a slow ride in a hearse
they tell me that there is more to life than just what I can see
Oh, I Believe, and I Raise My Hand..
add the gospel singers in the background, and well, like I said, get those hankies out.
On another note: I will be going to BFE to visit the in-laws. Husband always doesn't like me to share too much information on our personal lives, just in case someone might come to follow us and stalk us. Hint: stalker, we will be near a Native American Reservation, somewhere in the Northwest. I will not have computer access for a couple of days, but I will be back soon!

Easter Candy Abundance

2006-04-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

"HELP US, HELP US! WE WEREN'T HIDDEN VERY WELL AND NOW WE PEEPS ARE ABOUT TO BE USED AS CAT TOYS!"

This is where we stand today for the Easter candy total. Very scary. I'm actually surprised to find some Reeses in there since I gulp those down quicker than I do tequila shots. This is our dentist worst nightmare. Hmm, I think sis and I need to talk about scaling down for next year...Ya' Think?

Doodles & Tag

2006-04-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

Okay! I have been tagged by three bloggers, 'My Life in the Kid Zoo', Life in Mama Land and my sweetie, Sugar Mama. First off, I love to visit these mommy blogs and I am 'verklept' you all would think of me! You must like me, you really really like me! (okay, if you don't get that, you are too young to be reading this blog). Here are 6 things about me you may not know.
1. I am going to classes at a local university at night, to get my teaching credential. I get tired and I start doodling. Here is an example of tonight's doodles.
2. I'm a blue star eBay seller.
3. I don't like the saying 'Teach Tolerance.' To tolerate someone is to 'put up' with them and that's not the message to be sending.
4. I read 5 daily comic strips religiously: Dilbert, For Better of For Worse, Baby Blues, Luanne and Rhymes with Orange.
5. I love Barbara Kingsolver and one of my favorite books of all times is 'The Poisonwood Bible.'
6. We have adopted all 3 of our pets from pet adoption organizations and sometimes we love them more than our own children.
And that's the truth people.

We Believe in Santa & Easter Bunny! I'm Back!

2006-04-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

First off, I have had some technical difficulties and want to thank my blog designer Baby Jane Blogs, she is an amazing designer and was a big help when I royally screwed up my template! Check her out, she's created some beautiful blogs.
Thanks for all who offered to help and I know I'm behind on some tagging games which I will get to next week before we leave for vacation!
But, I wanted to say Happy Easter to all you wonderful bloggers out there! Since we are not having our Easter egg hunt at our house this year, I was trying to think of what I could do to show my girls that the Easter bunny showed up...little melted chocholate bunny 'turds' in the yard? No, too time consuming. Jelly beans all over the grass? No...ants galore. Then, I thought I would leave little bitten carrots and some chewed lettuce on the patio table...show that the Easter bunny can eat healthy! Photo: 2003: Mall Bunny's head is WAY BIG!
For Christmas, I took some jingle bells and rang them outside their window to make it like Santa's sleigh was coming so they would fall asleep. I accidentally tapped the window with the bells, so to this day, my daughter thinks that one of the reindeer almost crashed into her window.
As we were 'helping Santa' put out the toys on Christmas eve around 10pm, our young neighbor came over dressed up as Santa to say 'ho-ho-ho' to the girls (to scare them more like it)! We took photos and left the girls a note with his picture saying 'thanks for the cookies, be good girls, and NO WHINING!' They were THRILLED! So, thanks to our neighbor for getting a little tipsy and walking through our neighborhood with a fat Santa Suit spreading good cheer!
Have a great wknd and a wonderful Easter!

Birthday Party Madness

2006-04-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

I am not one to point fingers, we all know that these kids birthday parties have gotten out of control. I myself, threw Oldest Daughter for her 5th b-day, a princess tea party: complete with 15 little girls all dressed up, arts & crafts, make up table and tables for tea. For her 6th birthday, Husband and I took out a small bank loan to hold her party at a girls store in the mall, where they did all her friends hair, 'make-up' and sang karoke. In order to be 'inclusive' I had her invite ALL the girls in her kindergarten class, and thankfully, she didn't invite the boys (though there is NOTHING wrong with boys experimenting with make-up, its just not a conversation I wanted to have with some of the moms at this point in time...trying to make friends here, ya' know).
Because we spent so much $ on the Oldest daughters' party, who to be honest, is really quite the 'detailed high-strung princess' and would KNOW we are cutting corners on the most important day of all the universe: her birthday, we saw an opportunity to cut back on a birthday party in the summer: our Youngest.
Youngest is the more 'laid back surfer' kind of gal. She doesn't care for all the glitz and glamour, just some goldfish, box juice, friends and a cake, and she's good to go. So, last year we threw her a Hawaiin Luau, and here is the cake I made: a roasted pig. The kids loved it and a cake gets all smashed up anyway with 3 years old, so whats the point in making it look so grand?
Don't get me wrong, I am in awe of the parents who can make those cakes out of Family Fun, and I have run across some Mommy bloggers who proudly display them..they are amazing. But, when you just don' t have that talent, you just get creative.
I know we are living in the time when kids parties are reaching a new level of creativity and expense..but, *sigh*, as long as you remember who the party is really for...I give you my 'mommy on the verge' permission to stay up until 2am making creative invites, baking the cake, setting up the arts& crafts tables...etc, etc...!
Feel free to post some of your creative birthday moments! I would love to hear!

Scream Katie, Scream!

2006-04-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Katie Homes:
Take my expert advice: SCREAM! SCREAM LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER SCREAMED BEFORE! PULL TOM TOWARD YOU AND SAY 'WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU SCIENTOLOGIST BASTARD?' AND THEN LET OUT A HUGE ANIMAL LIKE GROWL AS YOUR BABY TRIES TO PUSH ITS WAY THROUGH A VERY TINY CANAL!!!
What is Tom going to do...cover your mouth? Hmm. well, he might try, but you JUST BITE THAT HAND AND...SCREAAAM! And say, 'MY GOD LETS ME HOWL WHILE GIVING BIRTH, HE/SHE KNOWS IT'S A MIRACLE AND I SHOULD SHOUT TO THE ROOFTOPS AND REJOICE AND HOWWWWL!
not silence.
this man does not 'complete you' he is 'converting you'...not as romantic as Jerry McGuire, huh? He's hanging on by a very thin thread!
-A Concerned Mom

Tricked up Mini-Van

2006-04-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

My cousin 'primo' tricks up cars in Southern CA., I guess it's getting more popular, since more car manufacturers are getting into the act. Maybe I can get my primo to trick up my mini-van...
1. Fuzzy wheel
2. Horn that plays mariachi music.
3. Needs to get a bumpin' when I play Usher.
4. Of course, a tv on the front dash, so I can watch 'Lost' while driving.
5. Top of the line car stereo so I can play 'Kidz Bop 11.'
PS. The pink signs read 'keeping it real' and the back 'get off my ass.'
Is that too much to ask in a mini-van?
Have a great wknd everyone!

Dog Of the Golden Tribe

2006-04-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

No, we were not putting war paint on our dog. She just decided to sleep on our daughters' pink chalk hopscotch game, and she came in the house looking this way.
Then, this got me thinking to one of my favorite 'old' movies: Dances With Wolves. I think I have seen it, like 10 times. Oh, whatever happened to good old Kevin Costner?
'TA-TANKA, TA-TANKA', does anybody remember that?
I think if I had to have a Native American Name, it would be: Overweight Reader Princess Whose Mind Is Not Always With Us ...
What would yours be?

Is Your Real Name Ace?

2006-04-05T08:25:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me say that Ace filled out his jeans quite nicely last night on A.I. Second of all, I have been watching A.I. since it's first season, and I have to say, this is the worst bunch of them all. I'm rooting for Taylor Hicks to go all the way, but I like that little Paris girl. I fast forward through most of the show: there's bad teeth, a ditzy blonde, and stoner turned singer...
But, I usually stop at Ace. I don't think that is his real name, it's probably something very ordinary, like: Mike.
I want to give Ace some advice if he is reading my blog.
1. Get some good conditioner.
2. Show that scar a little more.
3. You had on some nice looking jeans last night..now just give us a little hip action now and then.
4. Take off your shirt in the next performance and throw it at Paula.
Okay, that is all my advice for Ace. I think he should thank me with a big wave and a kiss next time I'm watching.

ANOTHER stuffed animal for Easter?

2006-04-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here comes Easter...with all it's cute stuffed bunnies, chicks and little lambs. I ask you, does my daughter REALLY need anymore stuffed animals? This is just my youngest daughter's bed, and these are all the stuffed animals and dolls she has to sleep with. You have to put them all beside her pillow, and she really does know if one is missing. My oldest daughter has about 15 stuffed animals on her bed, and there are more in the spare bedroom, and MORE in the playroom, but I excuse those, since some are stuffed puppets, and they actually USE those.
If I had to guess: I would have to say we have about 50+ stuffed animals in our house. Now, I ask you, what kid really needs more than FIFTY stuffed animals? And I know that I'm not the only Mom out there who has this many, I know some who have MANY more!
Now when it comes time for garage sale time, you try to ask them to sell some and they wail 'oh nooo, we can't sell Biddy Boo!', even though Biddy-Boo has been under the bed for a month. I remember when I gave away a singing Elmo that didn't work anymore, I gave it to Goodwill. I totally forgot he was on 'top' of my Goodwill bag, so when I was putting the bag in the Goodwill truck, my Youngest Daughter saw Elmo going bye-bye...'MY ELMO, MY ELMO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WAHHHHH! I had to hear all week how I gave her Elmo to the man in the yellow truck...
Well, yes, you would think I would not buy anymore stuffed animals. But, if you notice in the photo, there is a little lamb named 'Shaun' from the Wallace & Gromit cartoon 'A Close Shave.' Youngest Daughter LOVES Wallace & Gromit, MORE than any Disney Princess or Hello Kitty! She even has Wallace & Gromit sheets. So, in her Easter basket, she will be getting not ONE, but TWO more stuffed animals: Gromit & a Rabbit from the Curse of the Were Rabbit!
P.S. And yes, we do give stuffed animals away to the local shelters on a regular basis, but I don't believe in giving away stuffed animals with rips or that looked totally used. I would rather give away new, cause those kids deserve it.
So, what does that bring our total up to? What's your stuffed animal total?

Wisteria Lane

2006-04-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

It's a very rainy Monday, and I just want to go back to bed and pull the cover over my head. But, I'll write instead...
This photo is the backyard of my parents house. The neighbor's wisteria is falling towards my mother's clothesline. I think my Mother is the only person who still hangs her sheets out on the line in Silicon Valley.
Sometimes it feels like time has stopped when I walk into my parents house: high school graduation photos on the wall, old prom dresses in drycleaner bags in the closet, elementary school art projects hang over their washing machine...
My parent's house hasn't changed much, but their neighborhood has. Young couples, gay and straight, snatched up most of the homes and remodeled or restored the homes to their natural beauty. My Mother once said, 'oh my! what beautiful rainbow flags these are on our street!'
My sister and I always fight on who has to water their plants and lawn when they are gone. Their plants are still in macrame holders, so the water just spills all over the damn place when you go to water them. You have to walk around with a towel in your hand to clean up the mess. But, because time stands still, those macrame holders will not be replaced with anything more efficient or for God's Sake, something that is not beige or brown.
To water the lawn, you have to take an old crane looking thingy with a hook on the end, and stick it into these metal cannisters in the lawn and turn the sprinklers knobs on and off by using this crane-hook. One day, I was very frustrated that the sprinklers would not turn off and I kept trying to hook these knobs, but by now they were flooded and the sidewalk was too. I walked over to the neighbors Mike & Jeff, and asked for some help. Mike came over, took his hand and stuck it way down the flooded metal cannister, and while ants started to climb wildly up his arm, reached for the knob and turned it off.
"You see, he said, that's all you have to do!" he said.
"Yuck," I can't believe you just did that!" I said. I was very impressed that this gay guy would so willingly stick his hand in a bunch of muddy water with ants.. for my parents. And me, their loving daughter... could only be angry at them for not having an automated sprinkler system.
" Well, your Dad showed me one day," he said. "Your parents are really nice."
Yes, my parents ARE nice, and even thought their house is stuck in a time warp, the one thing that will never change...their hospitality to anyone who shares the same sidewalk.

David Horowitz Moment

2006-04-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

If you all don't know who David Horowitz is..he's that consumer activist guy who when he feels he has been WRONGED by a company, he takes ACTION!
YES! That is what I did. Last week, I bought some Kettle Chips at Safeway. Loooove Kettle Chips! So, I was very excited to open the bag and start munchin'. But, I was very irked when I opened the bag and found it only a quarter full. I really bought a bag of air with about 15 chips and some crumbs...
Now, maybe this is the universe trying to tell me that I don't need to add any more weight onto my bulging body..okay I get that. But, JUSTICE still needs to be served here people! What if this was the ONLY bag of chips I could afford all year, and I got really gypped! (umm, is that an un-politically correct term, does that offend gypsies?).
So, I wrote a letter to the Kettle Chip offices in Salem, OR. with this diagram of me feeling very sad. I hope they respond.
Here are my 3 favorite chips which I'm really not allowed to buy because they will be gone in 24 hours.
1. Kettle: Krinkle Cut, Beer&Cheddar, the new Thai flavor, Salt & Vinegar...
2. Lays, plain. (I put hot sauce on it!)
3. Ruffles with french onion dip which I only buy on New Years Eve
Okay, maybe now that I have written about chips, they will not hold the same allure, cause I really want to wear shorts this summer...*sigh*
Let me know some of your favorites that make you turn into a 'chip eating machine..'

Gimmie a Garden Gnome

2006-03-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

Do you know sometimes when you want a gift...and no one seems to want to be the one to give it to you? I have been wanting a garden gnome for a looong time, and not just any drugstore/hardware store Gnome, this guy has got to look cute...like the travelocity Gnome!
Everytime I see him on Amazing Race, I say...'oohh, he's soo cute, I want him!' Husband does not seem to thrilled about the idea, he says they are kind of creepy.
One day, when our kitten was lost, I asked a neighbor if I could go into his backyard and look...so he took me in his yard and I had to let out a little 'gasp!' Lo and behold, there were garden gnomes all over his rock fountain and lining his whole garden! They were whistlin' and wheelbarrowin', and laughin' and kissin'...doing all sorts of cute things! He was very happy to talk about all of them and I think they were his little friends...
Right now, as a poor student and mom, I can't justify spending the $30.oo on eBay for him...but then again, sometimes a girl's got to do, what a girl's got to do!
I do have to give credit to the beautiful French movie 'Amelie', whose scenes with the garden gnome surely was the inspiration for Travelocity's ad campaign. I know I'm missing another movie with funny gnome scenes, anybody remember?

Pirate John Helps with Potty Training

2006-03-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

I created this little character to help my nephew with his potty training. I sent him a card that read something like this:
'When Captain John sails the stormy seas, even he needs to stop to pee.'
Well, even if it really didn't work with him, I know it cracked my sister up. I just have to say when it comes to potty training (which we are done with, thank God!), you can spend a lot of $$ on books and potties and things. I did end up buying that 'singing' potty for our daughter and she did use it, but she prefered the 'grown up' potty better. So, in a way, it was a little bit of a waste of $25.00!!!, but the jokes that we all had about if it could REALLY sing: 'Oh..I like it when you pee, inside of me...now you get a treat, for squatting with your feet!' I think those funny songs we all made up after having too much wine, well I guess that's worth it!
And I'm sorry, when I would read those potty books to my daughters, oh, boy...I would have to bite my hand to keep from laughing. Sometimes, I just couldn't help myself and say, 'oh my! she missed the potty and took a big stinking dump on the floor!' But, believe me, they were so immersed in watching these characters sit on the pot, they didn't notice my ad-libs.
Oh, and one more piece of advice, if you buy the book that makes toilet flushing sounds everytime your kid pushes the button: don't bring it to church, your priest or pastor will really not appreciate it!
Kids potty train when they are ready, any type of forcing of this process..will definately come up in a session with their psychoanalyst in 30 years!

Michael Jackson Poetry Slam

2006-03-27T16:32:00.000-08:00

This guy is the biggest pervert ever and I was so grossed out by his behavior in that 'documentary' years ago about his boy 'friends', that I started to write some really bad poetry about him. My friends and I had a good time with this poetry slam a while back, so please, share in the fun...I have little scruples on my blog...but nothing outright nasty, I'm looking for creativity people! I'll get it started:

M.J.'s Neverland is now closed,

but that's not the end of his woes,

Macaulay Culkin has just said,

that M.J. messed with his head,

saying to give it a tug and a feel,

and for his reward...

a delicious Happy Meal.

Fatal Attraction Night

2006-03-25T15:50:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite lines in the movie, Fatal Attraction is when Glenn Close roars 'I WILL NOT BE IGNORED...."
I decided to pull my own little Fatal Attraction moment the other night...no, no knives or boiled bunnies or anything like that...
Husband has decided he is controlling the heat this winter...to save costs and all that nonsense. So, he has 'locked' our thermostat so I may not turn up the heat. The other night, my teeth were actually chattering as I got up around 3am to let our cat out. I stood there in our dark kitchen, as cold as all heck, wondering what I could do to get that heat turned up. I was angry I wasn't in my pink silk pajamas and instead, wearing a stained sweathirt and sweats WITH a scarf wrapped around my neck...
I stood there thinking...he will pay, he will pay... I'm so cold...I'm so cold...
So, with my 3am logic, I walked into our bedroom and hovered over him while he was sleeping. I kept standing there breathing like Darth Vadar..., thinking that would wake him. Noooo, I finally had to say "HUSBAND!"
"Whaaa, Whaa? Wha are you thoing? (Husband wears a mouth guard).
I hissed "It's so cold in here, my teeth are chattering, the girls are coughing, you are making them sick, just so sick, I'm f*&%cking FREEZING IN THIS HOUSE!
"Whaa? Whaa?"
I basically blamed him for the whole family being sick and I threw in the war in Iraq while I was at it.
"Honey, he said, "the heat has never changed, it was the same thing last year as it is this year, there have been no changes." Snore..Snore..he went back to sleep and I was still left standing there, as cold as ever, so I had no choice but to go back to sleep, putting 2 more blankets over me.
So, the next morning, Husband says "so, what was with you last night? That was strange."
And I pulled out our dull Farberware kitchen knife and lunged toward him and said "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!

Okay, so the last line is made up and I continue to suffer at night, but now I use our cats as feet warmers.

Find Beauty in the Mundane

2006-03-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

Do you know why I love blogging? Cause you can do whatever the hell you want!
I just want to give kudos to all the female bloggers today (males, you will get yours, but not today!). Why do we blog? Cause we have the need to create and let off steam and maybe because friends and family are tired of listening to all our crap and we need somewhere to go. So, here I am. And so are you. Good for you.
In the need to be more of a creative person and not just feel like a mom driving a minivan who is *COMPLETELY* out of fashion this year...I started to carry around my digital camera. I was at outside of Husband's office building last week, when all of a sudden, a red-tail hawk flew overhead. It was beautiful, so I snapped and snapped. It was beautiful in itself but also beautiful because it was so unexpected...in this Silicon Valley business area where you are so used to seeing structure and glass...to see something so majestic!
Also, last week, I bought myself some red tulips at the farmers market. I know Husband says we need to cut back with our finances, but $5.00 seemed worth a week of beauty in my living room. Plus, when you get the chance, go buy yourself some flowers. Cause, baby, you're worth it!

I rented this week from Jaded Sunburns: http://azjade.com/, she's soooo funny! Check her out!
I also rented from Lotion Bunny/I Need to Vent: http://tovent.blogspot.com/ I bought some of Lotion Bunny's products for my daughter's senstive skin, its so hard to find natural lotions for her!

Zaboo Brothers & Joe...eye candy?

2006-03-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

Eye Candy Kiddie Shows: Part 2
Okay, so sugarmama totally reminded me that I forgot the Zaboomafoo brothers on PBS (see her comments on Tues 3/21 post) as kiddie show eye candy. Yes, the Kratt Brothers are pretty hot, and their shorts fit them very well. Okay, so yes, they can bring their jungle of animals into my bedroom anytime... (except, leave the pig at home).
Now, some of you mentioned Joe from Blues Clues...whaaat? So, maybe I can sort of see this whole boy next door/Mrs. Robinson fantasy you all got going on with him... but he's gotta get rid of that orange baggy sweater, go put on a tight Armani Exhange T-Shirt baby boy and go search for those clues!
Okay, enough! It's a gorgeous 70 degree weather day here in Northern Ca., and I gotta get outside!

Where's MY Kid Show Eye Candy?

2006-03-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Some evenings, when Husband is too tired to play tickle monster with the girls, he will watch a cartoon with them (choices: 1,500 from Tivo). What is his choice? 'Let's watch Hi-5, okay girls? The girls say 'yeahhh!' They love this show on Discovery Kids where young twentysomethings performs songs, skits and joke around. Husband likes it because of this little sweetie-pie called 'Jen.' He likes to watch Jen bounce, jiggle, and jump up and down and yell Hi -5! hi-5!
Well, he has his kids show eye candy, WHERE IS MINE? Why is it we housewives don't have some hunky sweaty twentysomething dancing with our kids in the morning and singing ABC's?!!! We deserve it, don't we? When we are running around getting our kids dressed in the morning, yelling and barking commands, don't we deserve to look up at the tv and see Mr. Hunky gyrating with some puppets.?! We do, I tell you, we DO!
The only kiddie male on tv right now that COMES CLOSE is that guy in the Wiggles. I don't even know his name, the guy in the blue shirt. All I'm saying is he COMES CLOSE because there is such slim pickins' here. Out of all of the kid show males, he is the one who comes close to feeling like I'm somewhat of a sexual being. Yes, I guess if there were one Wiggles man I would let wiggle inside me (oops!) I mean BESIDE me, it's the blue shirt guy. How about you all? Any kids show guy I'm missing here?

Ding-Dong Ho-Ho Cake

2006-03-20T13:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, well I got this idea from the White Trash Mom blog (see my blogroll for link) and decided to make one for Husband for his birthday. It worked out really well, considering I only had about 30 minutes to put it together. Ran out of Ding-Dongs so my niece went to 7-11 and when they had none, she brought back Ho-Ho's. I think they work nicely as 'tiers', don't you? I think this could work for a variety of Hostess yummies, like Snowballs, Twinkies and Suzie Q's, but the calories will kill ya! I'm already thinking about doing a Ho-Ho-Ho! Log Cabin for Christmas (get it?) or you can do just a 'Dong & Ho' bachelorette cake. If you ever do one of these cakes and put it on your blog, let me know and I will give you a shout out!
Recipe for Ding Dong/Ho-Ho Cake
1) Box of Ding Dongs, need double if you are doing a really, really high cake
2) Box or packages of Ho-Ho's.
3) Chocolate frosting to 'paste' them on top of each other: just a dab.
4) Embellishments such as fruit, flowers, or anything crazy!
5) Put in fridge for about 45 minutes, makes it 'set' so it doesn't fall or anything.
Bon Appetite!

Opening Day

2006-03-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

Six year old cousins
rooting for their teammates
can't wait for Snack Shack.

May The Luck of the Irish Be with You Today!

2006-03-17T00:08:00.000-08:00

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!
Bought the Guinness already, gotta take it to our wonderful Irish priest who said he would do a little 'Riverdancing' for us at Sunday mass. Yes, he is a bit unconventional, but he's inspirational and does pack them in!
Jessie's eyes are always smiling!

Loser Mommy Award

2006-03-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

I'm a schmuck. I walked into my daughter's pre-school class (late as always), and I saw all the kids in green and the whole class decked out in green and decorated to the hilt for a St. Patricks Day party. My heart sank. I completely forgot that it was her St. Patty's Day party and dressed her all in red (her Valentine's outfit!) and had brought no treats to contribute to the party. What a lame-o! I deserve the 'Loser Mommy Award' today.
Now, ususally, I cut myself a lot of slack, and don't award myself these ribbons very often. But, today, well, sometimes you gotta admit when you have f*&!cked up. It's not like this is going to send her to the therapist couch or anything, and I think its more embarassing for ME since I will get those 'sad looks' from other Moms when I go to pick her up, 'oh, look, there is the pathetic Mom who forgot about the party, AND, did you hear, she didn't even bring CUPCAKES!' Well, I mentally wear this ribbon proudly today!

My Daughter's Eczema

2006-03-14T17:04:00.000-08:00

It's a daily battle: lotions, lotions, and more lotions. Doctor appointments and more appointments. The allergist wants to stick her with more needles to find out if she has any allergies. Or, they can stick with a needle to draw blood...hmmm, any reason why I'm procrastinating making THAT phone call? They checked for allergies when she was about one, poking the needles on her back, and her screaming and me crying....and found nothing.
At the recommendation of our allergist, we give her a short bath daily to mostiurize her skin. She is like a little mermaid and has always loved the water. She was the only 2 year old swimming in Lake Tahoe last summer, just going underwater and swimming like a fish! My next step is finding her a homeopathic remedy. If anyone knows of any, let me know!
Here she is in her daily bath, happy as a clam.

Gene Simmons Monday

2006-03-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like this on a Monday? Sometimes, I wish I can stick out a loooong tongue and wag it at people who are not polite on Mondays. Maybe even blow a bit of fire out them to scare them just a bit. 'HEY, QUIT HOLDING UP THE LINE TO ORDER YOUR SPECIAL COFFEE DRINK WITH A THOUSAND INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOU AND YOUR GROUP OF FRIENDS, ALL I'M ORDERING IS A FRIGGIN DRIP WITH ROOM! And that is when I would blow out the fire and the Starbucks line would part and let me go first. Just a thought. Happy Monday!

Brrrrr, snow in the Bay Area!

2006-03-11T20:17:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. All of you in the midwest can just laugh your behinds off at this photo of 'snow' in our neighborhood hills. If you can squint really hard, you can see it! There is much more in the Santa Cruz mountains, they got 2 inches! Pets (Mikko & Jessie) are snuggling together, fireplace is roaring and hot cocoa is being poured....yes, 40 degrees is pretty damn cold here, is this what a 'snow day' feels like?

Furry Crab Found Under Housewife's Bed

2006-03-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

CALIFORNIA: The latest new furry crustacean to be discovered in the South Pacific, was actually found more than a five years ago--under a couple's bed in San Jose, CA.
The housewife discovered the ugly looking crab when she was looking under her bed for her cat's lost little ball. She looked under the bed, and to her horror, there was a crab-like monster, sitting on a nest of hundreds of kitty jingle balls.
She quickly called Animal Control, who caught the blind crab with a net (along with some sex toys the wife had hidden under the bed) and whisked it away to the nearest Aquarium.
Scientists believe the crab was 'created' under the bed when dog hair, an old crab shell, and their daughter's Tinker Bell pixie dust from Disneyland-all spontaneously combusted. 'All these particles came together for some sort of weird conception' said Dennis Ludquist, a confused marine biologist.
When the wife told her husband about the crab being found under the bed, his reply was, 'if you would clean up the house a little more, this never would have happened.'
Sadly, the furry crab only lived for a week at the Aquarium. The animal control officer forgot to take the only thing he really loved: his nest of kitty jingle balls. -Associated Pissy Press

It's Hard Out Here to Be a Mom...

2006-03-07T19:32:00.000-08:00

Hat's off to Three 6 Mafia for winning the Oscar for 'It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp', very catchy tune and after you watch Hustle & Flow, you catch yourself humming it in the middle of the fruit section at Albertsons...naughty mommy!
note to Academy: hire a better choreographer next time, Paula Abdul maybe? hmmmmm....

Please Feed Her Oscar Goes To...

2006-03-06T11:29:00.000-08:00

The 'Please Feed Her 'Oscar goes to: LISA RINNA: Why is this woman still allowed to walk the red carpet? Her lips are freaky and she needs to start eating at the Cheescake Factory at least once a week. Don't like the skinny freaks on the red carpet. They should have a scale before they step on the red carpet and if you are UNDER 110 lbs then you are escorted inside a limo and driven to an eating disorder clinic. And I don't buy that shit that people are 'just skinny', when we are seeing their bones, that's just sick and they need help.
2nd runner for the 'Please Feed Her' Oscar was HILARY SWANK:she needs to go to Cheescake Factory with Lisa. Chad or no Chad, boxing training or not: PLEASE EAT!

Oscar Dress Opinion From Fashion Victim Mom

2006-03-06T10:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm sitting here in my sweats and flannel shirt, judging the Oscar dresses. I do it every year, pour over photos of the celebrities and the gowns and watch those horrible entertainment shows ON MUTE just so I could see dresses that I can never ever wear or even afford a part of a shoulder strap. Here are my 3 favorite gowns and being Latina, my first two picks are sooo predictable:
1) Salma Hayek: Versace Turquoise..Curves..Gorgeous.. Made the movie Frida, what more can you ask for?
2) Jennifer Lopez: Rita Watnick Olive Green...More Curves..Little too much bronzer but looked glamorous none the less. Note to J.Lo: lose the controlling husband
3) Bahar Soomekh: Don't know who made the dress, love the daffidol yellow and loved her in Crash.
Terrence Howard: Best Tuexedo: because I watch those fashion shows on MUTE, I don't know who designed it. Loved the jewled pin on his lapel. Even though it was hard to watch Hustle& Flow because of the subject matter, he just drew me in. Felt the same about his performance in Crash.

Don't Know Diddly Squat About Wine

2006-03-02T11:22:00.000-08:00

I wanted to start a wine club. Like a, 'Don't Know Crap About Wine, But Know That I Love It and Won't Pay More than $15.00 A Bottle.' I have been on those Napa tours and quickly forget what all the do's and don't of how to drink wine and all that business. I just know what I like. So, if you know of any good wines between $10.00 and $15.00, let me know! This is one of my favorites 'Mia's Playground' Zinfandel from Dry Creek Valley (where the hell is that?). This wine does have a screwtop cap (don't let that scare you), so you can just open it up right when you get back into your minivan and take a swig! Also, one of my favorite lunches: California Rolls from Safeway! Yes, SAFEWAY!. The sushi chef rolled them this morning and I said 'hand those over lady!'..sushi and wine wknd, what's not to like? Have a Great wknd!

George Michael Apologizes to the A.P.P.

2006-03-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

George Michael Apologizes to the Associated Pissy Press: "I'm sorry, I was stupid. That was dumb to leave drugs in the car. They should have been in my underwear drawer." "But, the cops did treat me right, no complaints. When they took me down to the station, they handcuffed me, stripped me naked and turned a firehose on me; reminded me of my much younger sexual days actually!"
"I was very sad I did not spend more time in the jail cell. I did have to borrow this top from a sick looking hooker, but then I started writing a new song ..',Wake me Up Before the Ho Blows.' Then that is when Blake came and picked me up with my new Armani suit, and we went home and my dogs were very happy to see me."
George, this reporter has loved you since Wham! and I have everyone of your CD's, and play them often. So, shape up mister!

Ken Does the Cooking at Our House

2006-02-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, when I play Barbies with my daughter, it ends up looking like anybodies living room in the Castro District. I don't like my daughters to gender discriminate, so Ken ends up wearing a bridal veil and does the cooking, and 'George Michael' and 'Prince Charm me For One Night' are having margaritas and a conversation about the latest episode of Project Runway.
News Note: The next day the 'George Michael' Barbie was found slumped over his steering wheel after partying too much at the 'Ken & Friends Cowboy Up! club.

Ode to Hippos

2006-02-24T16:02:00.000-08:00

O' I live for the day
when I can bask out in the sun
in all my morning glory....
with no fear or hesitation
under the California sky.
Photo taken today @ San Francisco Zoo.

Doodlebops Creator Hooked on Acid

2006-02-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

BURBANK CA.-The popular kids tv show 'The Doodlebops' is due to be cancelled at the end of the month. The creator of the show, Josh Grinswald admitted that he can't write the show without taking two tablets of acid and stripping naked, before sitting down to his computer.
"The idea of the Doodlebops came to me during a trip to Eureka, CA. I was sitting in a sweatlodge with some Native Americans eating peyote plants, when one by one, each of the Doodlebop characters came to me and starting singing and stroking my hair with their big hands, it was very sweet."
The show is known for it's repetitive introduction song which parents are unable to get out of their head once it's in there. Grinswald is sad that the show is ending, but happy to get 'cleaned up'. He will be leaving for rehab at 'The Wiggles' Rehab Center, where hit songs such as 'Fruit Salad' and 'Henry the Octopus' will be sung to him as he undergoes detox.-Associated Pissy Press

Santa Cruz, CA.

2006-02-21T09:19:00.000-08:00

Broken shells in her pocket..
Doesn't care if her hands are ice cold..
She's by the ocean on a sunny day,
with her family..
that's all that matters.

Be the Change

2006-02-17T14:18:00.000-08:00

I remember reading years ago in a Newsweek essay about a Mom who was conflicted about how teach her kids about homelessness. Her issue was that they were always being asked for money by homeless people and she didn't know how to explain to her children that they couldn't give money to every homeless person they ran into. What struck me most about the essay is that she said 'what I do want to teach to my kids is that we always want our moral compass pointing towards compassion and not indifference.' Those words have always stuck with me and it's great to share the story of Joey Cheek with my daughters. Cheek donated his $25,000 Olympic winnings to the children of the Darfur region of Sudan. Have a wonderful wknd!

Lynn & Mary Wrestle Rifle Away from Dick

2006-02-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

WASHINGTON: An hour before Vice President Dick Cheney appeared on Fox News, Cheney's wife, Lynn and daughter Mary, had to wrestle with the Vice President to give up his Red Ryder 200-Shot Carbine Action Aire Rifle. This was the exact rifle which shot Harry Whittington while the two were hunting last week in Texas.
The 200 Shot Rifle was a gift from Dubya, after the two watched 'A Christmas Story' together last year and shared a few tears when the character, 'Ralphie' receives a BB gun from his father on Christmas morning.
Lynn Cheney kept telling the Vice President he was going 'shoot an eye out with that thing,' but Dick didn't listen.
When Lynn tried to wrestle the BB gun away from the Vice President, he got into fetal position and said 'ya gonna have to kill me first Lynn!' Mary Cheney who was in her bedroom at the time with a 'friend', heard the fighting and came out to help Mom.
Lynn said her daughter came out with a black leather bull whip and handcuffs and said 'Daddy, this is gonna hurt me as much as it will hurt you.'
Cheney handed over the rifle, but only after suffering a couple of minor open wounds in the buttock area. -Associated Pissy Press

Did You Have a Nice Valentine's Day?

2006-02-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

I like to make my own greeting cards. I made this valentine for a dear friend in Los Angeles. It says 'I DON'T HAVE TO BE LONELY NO MORE COWBOY!' HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
Tuesday: Had a nice Expanding the Waistline Valentine's Day. Took daughters to Burger King for Valentine lunch to start the expansion. Husband came home with flowers and a box of candy that I had given him that same morning. He said 'no reason to buy 2 Reeses Box of Heart candy, we can share this one.' Husband is noticing my expanding waist line and this is his nice way of saying I don't need my own heart box of 15 pieces of candy. Cooked him some jumbo shrimp from a Rachel Ray recipe from her magazine. Had 3 Reeses, though they are small, so that doesn't count as too many calories.
Watched Olympics with Husband for our Valentine's Date. Though it is hard to watch men's figure skating with a straight male. Comments Husband made: 'is he for real?' 'Oh My God.' 'What is THAT he's wearing?' 'Is it over yet?' So, Husband won't be watching the men's long program with me.

Carrot Top Finds His Long Lost Brother

2006-02-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

TURIN ITALY- Late last night, Carrot Top,the infamous no-eyebrow comedian realized he found his long lost brother: at the Olympics! After Olympic snowboarder Shaun White took off his snow goggles and his American flag bandana, Carrot Top cried 'Holy Mini-Sh*t Carrots!' The two have been separated since birth, and will be reunited on Jerry Springer next month. Talks of doing a Flying Tomato/Carrot Tour are still being negotiated. -Reported by Associated Pissy Press: Yes, it's true, I write jokes for Jay Leno: I write them, and he sends them back. Happy Monday!

I'm An Artist

2006-02-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

6 Year Old Daughter says: :"I'm such a Great Artist!"
6 Year Old Daughter says: "I'm such a Great Photographer!"
Mommy Says: 'I'm a an Artist, aren't I?'
Mommy Says: 'I AM a Writer, aren't I?
To have the confidence of my daughter, that is my goal. She is teaching me.....
Proof my daughter was born with a camera in her hand. She likes to take my digital while I'm doing house chores. She took this photo of Younger Sister just yesterday.

Did Ya' Pick up the Poop?

2006-02-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

This is Thursday. Every Thursday Husband comes home and the first thing he says is, 'Did Ya Pick up the Poop?' I have asked him to stop and say something different when he walks in the door, like, umm HELLO? No, Husband is focused on getting the garbage to the curb and if dog poop is not picked up in the backyard, it's like a sh*t landmine for the next week. He says this question is automated in his brain to ask me every Thursday and it just 'comes out.' One Thursday, I got so mad, I said: "YES, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT MY LIFE IS ALL FRIGGIN' ABOUT, IS PICKING UP DOG SH*T!' Husband just calmy asked again 'so, is it picked up?' Anyway, will gladly pick up the poop for our Golden Girl: Jessie. Jessie in Tahoe

Chuck E. Cheese Sings 80's

2006-02-08T11:58:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday I took my Daughter and Friend to Chuck E. Cheese for an overdue playdate. It was empty because it was a beautiful 72 degrees here in San Jose, CA. and most kids were at the park.. But, a plan was a Plan and to tell kindergartners they would *NOT* be going to Chuckees is not advisable under any circumstances.
But what was most disturbing was not the beautiful weather we were not taking advantage of, or the fact that I spent most of my month's pitiful 'wife allowance' on a medium cheese pizza and tokens, no, the MOST DISTURBING was that Chuck E. Cheese himself was singing 80's tunes. He sang: In A Big Country (Big Country), I'll Tumble 4 Ya (Culture Club), What I Like About You (Romantics) and let's hear it for his BIG intro: 'Everybody Working for the Wknd' (Loverboy). Boy, what SELL-OUTS! Plus, it's making me feel REALLY OLD!
But, I'm making more of an effort to look on the bright side of things, it was a pretty good concert considering we had front row seats. It would have been nice to have my lighter for the slow Lionel Ritchie song 'Lady', not to wave it around at Chuck and band, but to light up a Clinton puff to help handle the fact that a rat was singing about fornication in front of my kids. Though, thankfully, they have no clue what the words really mean and it we rounded off the afternoon with a big skee-ball tournament! Fun!

Surprise Flower

2006-02-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

I never know what is going to come up in our yard. Is this a lily? It was a nice surprise, I love the pink. It reminds me of pink ribbon candy. Make myself a promise to weed and snip today.
Superbowl Halftime: This has been on my mind... I could not hear the pre-game Stevie Wonder show. Which seemed to be really rockin. Couldn't hear my favorites, India Arie, Joss Stone or John Legend. THEY should have been the halftime show. I know this is very suburbia cliche, but usually the wives come in at half-time and the husbands go out and play football with the kids. This year, the wives decided to stay outside on the patio and keep talking because no one wanted to watch Mick shake his saggy bottom. I think its a generational thing:just not that into it. Best musical ensemble I saw last year was the Kennedy Awards: a tribute to Tony Bennett: John Legend, Diana Krall, Wynston Marsalis, but I could have done without Vanessa Williams, but Husband could not. Will Tivo the Grammies tomorrow, got to see what dress Mariah has sqeezed herself into this time. Though, I'm a big fan of Emancipation of Mimi, can't go a day without singing: 'hold up, my phone's breakin' up, I'm gonna hang up and call you right back, Gotta Shake it Off! Unfortunately, my kids sing it too. Bad Mommy!

No Shower? No Problem!

2006-02-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

If you have not taken a shower in a couple of days and are having friends over (like for the Superbowl) or just need to go out to the grocery store with kids in tow, here are my tips for you to get that glamorous Mommy Look. WARNING: This look only lasts 2 hours AT THE MOST, and then you will look just like you did before: greasy hair, bags under your eyes and a stained sweatshirt, and honey, after 2 hours, no amount of m.a.c. makeup is gonna do you any good. So listen up!

Go get your Big Sexy Hair hairspray and do up your hair Texas Style: tease and rat, tease and rat.
Use your 'holiday make-up', shimmers, sparkles, and or put on a great department store lipstick: don't do both, the look is not 'Wife Whore' just that 'Yes, I'm Alive' look.
Body spray and NOT perfume. People have caught on to Moms trying to cover up thier body odor with some Ralph Lauren 'Romance.'
Get out of that sweatshirt and just throw on a flirty top. Just for a couple of hours and pacify yourself that you will be going back into sweats when everyone leaves.

Remember, this look will only sustain you for 2 HOURS! Then, it all starts to crumble away and then you will look like that sweet homeless woman who picks our cans out of our garbage every week (though, she does not have shimmer on her eyes, though I guess I can always suggest it when she comes by... just a thought). Good luck!

For blow by blow Superbowl ad talk, go to adfreak.com. And I just have to say regarding Jessica Simpson: when her Dad was describing her stardom he said something like 'well, of course she is so popular, she is very sexy.' OKAY, CALLING YOUR DAUGHTER, SEXY? That is just too gross for words... this guy needs a wake-up call.

Bow Down to the House of O

2006-02-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling better, finally got to take a 2 hour nap with Husband home. Wow! I got some comments! This is so fun! Thanks!
Even though we are not to worship false gods, I worship a goddess: Oprah Winfrey. Fellow O Fans, please excuse my caricature, I'm just starting to pick up black sharpie again and I'm a little out of whack. Little synopsis of my ideas of what I can remember from last week's shows:
Mary J. Blige: Rocking the House! But, she was skirting around the issue of how her and her husband took Jesus Christ into thier heart and said 'SEE YA!' to all thier non-Christian friends. I will still pick up her CD, because I do whatever O tells me.
Chapelle: Husband and I are BIG Chapelle Fans, but the dude does seem a little paranoid. O sketch still makes me laugh!
Brothers with Father in Prison: Made for TV Movie or what? Though, I am not sure if anybody caught when one of the brothers said, 'My Mother was a good wife to my Dad, she listened and she never questioned.' Well honey, look where that got her! A husband who robbed banks. 'Oh, better not question my husband even though he has a sack full of money and a black mask hanging in his closet.' She's better off without that twat.
Anderson Cooper & Lisa Ling: Husband was too busy looking at Lisa's boots and skirt to give a crap about what she was saying. I personally don't think you should give gang members any airtime whatsoever, it only puffs them up even more and gives them the 15 minutes they shouldn't have. I love Anderson Cooper, hard for me to conjure those sad images of the Sudan. But, I always have the kleenex nearby when watching my O!

'Mama's Don't Get No Sick Days'

2006-02-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

Fever going, chills, on my 3rd day of being sick. Remember the days when you would actually get sick days at work? And when you were single, you would call in sick and watch, like, The Price is Right? Someone stop the merry-go-round. I want to get off. I'm still learning how to put graphics up on here and learning how to blog! Thanks for reading!

hello

2006-02-03T11:44:00.000-08:00

This is my first post to see if this is working.