Monday, June 19, 2006
Mommy on the Verge Says Goodbye
Dear All My Blog Readers/Commenters/30 second Bloggers
Yes, tis true. After much thought and sadness, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot keep up my beloved blog anymore. (Start the violins).
Starting and creating this blog was such an adventure and really started my creative juices flowing...and we all know how those can lay dormant as we go on with our lives.
I am not going to bore you with how busy I am, blah,blah, blah, who gives a crap, we are all busy and do this for our creative outlet.
But, I will let you know that I have decided to use the creative time normally spent on blogging to finally try to get some stuff into some magazines. I don't know the whats or the wheres, but I do know that when I turn 40 by the end of the year, I want to have at least one rejection letter in hand to say 'I did it, see, here's proof!' Or who knows, maybe buy myself a Cape Cod and say 'I did it, here's proof!'
When I first started to blog back in Feb., trying to get a comment was trying to squeeze blood from a stone! Shit, that was hard! But, I visited so many of you and left you comments and you stuck with me. I encourage all of you to visit all my commenters blogs, because you all have the same demented personality.
I have really REALLY loved being a part of this blogging community and who knows, maybe I will make it back into the blogging world in some way, shape or form. Blogging is so much more honest and creative than a lot of the crap we read in the print media... its a real lifesaver. And who else is gonna read all of our marriage, dating, baby pooping stories and offer encouragement? Huh? I will leave my blog up for about a week and then...say, it's been fun! I have also donated my 1 day ticket to the BlogHer conference..to some needy college starving blogger.
Okay, I will leave you off with a quote then, given at Santa Clara University's commencement ceremony:
"Now we send you forth on a mission: to confront ignorance with competence; to challenge selfishness with conscience; and to fix what is unjust with compassion. "
Rev. Thomas Reese
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Britney..Oh, This Should Be GoodNote: I have not been able to post photos on eBlogger for a couple of days. Effin' eBlogger sucks the big one. So, I will not be posting with photos for the next posts.. I didn't want to post this week until the problem is fixed, however I have a renter this week and that is not fair to her. So, do what Barney sings 'Just Imagine! Just Imagine!'
Yes, I like these one on one celebrity trash interviews. I like to see them bob and weave out of 'certain questions' and then smile, and then cry, and then I like to see the so called journalist really feel like they are making a difference by their hard hitting questions. It's entertainment folks, plan and simple! And I gobble it up like a fat lady at a pie eating contest in Mayfair USA.
Here is how I think it will go:
Matt: "So, Britney, what's going on with the all these allegations of you being a bad Mommy?"
Britney: smack, smack..(gum chewing) Starts to Tear Up. "Well, Matt, it just hurts, is all, Ya' know? Hurts. It's like, I'm just trying to be a good Mommy, and everyone trips now and then with their baby. Ya know? Just ask the other mommies, it like, happens!!"
Matt: "But, to be fair, that was after you had three Pina Coladas at the Ivy."
Britney: "Ya see? This is what I'm sayin! Can't I have some drinks in private? And that's why I fired my nanny's Brazilian ass and got a GUY white nanny. He like, is so fit and can keep up with me! And IF Preston should fall, well I just KNOW he will be caught by my Man-Nanny."
Matt: "What about driving without Preston buckled up in his seat?"
Britney: "Here's the thing Matt. There is a whooole lot of us in small towns that drive without their babies in car seat. (smack smack) Don't look at me that way! It's TRUE! We all just sit them on our laps cause we know we are just driving to the corner market to get some cigs and the chances are slim to none there would be any kind of accident."
Matt: "Well, again to be fair Britney, you were on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, where there are dangerous curves and a lot of car accidents."
Britney "Who you sayin' has dangerous curves!! Why you big flirt (smack smack). I know your just missin' Katie and all, so I will let you get away with that comment! I'm sure Kev wouldn't mind none."
Matt: "Where is K-Fed right now?"
Britney: "He took Preston to Vegas, he's such a great Daddy!' My Momma is with him though, to keep him straight. She's probably whoring it up though, knowing her!"
Matt Thinks: Oh God, if I could just make it through this interview, without staring at her cleavage, I think I have a shot at ABC Nightly News. *******
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Hot House Momma & Summer TV
I'm her new slum lord...Hot House Momma. She 's going through some home remodeling issues right now, so if any of you have any advice for her on dealing with flaky 'consultants'...go give her a post! She's very honest and sassy and I like that!
So, what are people 'tivoeing' this summer? Now that my Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Top Chef and the Office are done with...what's a housewife supposed to do at 10pm? Whatever projects that are piling up on my end, do you think I have the energy to start them at 10pm? I think not. I need a good show to eat with my lowfat microwave popcorn. And no, I don't have HBO.
I did tivo some of Kathy Griffith's, Life on the D List and that was kind of entertaining. Husband and I are waiting for the new season of Project Runway to start and I hear there is some reality show on a Moms Book Club in Scottsdale AZ that is supposed to be cheesy but good.
Let me know if you all have heard of anything. Please no lectures on watching late night tv or turning off my tv...or recommending sexist sitcoms! (see 6/10 post!).
Monday, June 12, 2006
Book Whore Monthly
I'm a book whore. Everyone who knows me...knows this about me. And I'm damn proud of it. Here is my monthly blog post 'Book Whore Monthly'.. which I am the only member. All your bitchy and lovely comments are very most welcome.
Here is the book I'm *reading this month. 'Consuming Kids' The Hostile Takeover of Childhood, by Susan Linn. Which I checked out of the library and grabbed off the shelf when I was supposed to be watching my daughters in the kids area.
In a nutshell, psychologist Susan Linn is pretty pissed off about how 'marketing executives are working day and night to send irresistible messages to our children.'
Don't you remember those Saturday morning commericals for Lucky Charms and Barbie Make Up Heads when you were a kid? I LIVED for those toy commercials. Of course, I new better to ask for any of that stuff...because my parents were good at saying HELL, NO! And you knew better than to keep on asking..or the tv would promptly be turned off and then chores started. So, it was better just to keep quiet and silently wish to be doused in sugar cereal and to have my room littered with every type of Barbie on the planet.
I just finished reading her thoughts on the Miss Spider franchise and author David Kirk being kind of a sell out to Target. Hey, what childrens' author doesn't want to make a million dollars? Please. These people probably ate Top Ramen for years before they got their book published.
I actually plead guilty about buying those Miss Spider gardening tools at Target. We even have the ladybuy sleeping bag. Which, to tell you the truth, my kids think is very itchy and they don't even LIKE the Ms. Spider cartoon very much. No, it's Mama who thinks those products are too adorable!
Though, I do have to say, when we were in Tarjay this morning, my youngest daughter was saying 'look, Princess'! Look, Care Bear! Look, Dora! And, what is very sad to say...is that no, we weren't in the toy aisle, We were in the snack aisle.
So, this book has really raised an awareness as far as using children characters as marketing gimmicks. Kids Characters are first introduced through books, then tv, then the CD & DVD, onto their diapers, at the fast food joint, furniture...where does it all end? Certainly it doesn't end when we are adults, I own a Hello Kitty purse!
*reading: skimming chapters and actual reading of paragraphs where I see relevant.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Fatty Dads & Skinny Mom Sitcoms
Yeah Buddy, you don't have anything to apologize for because your sitcom lets you be as fat as you want and gives you a hot skinny Mom to play off your dumb jokes. Now you have a book out that perpetuates the myth of the beer drinking belching Daddy who sits in the recliner while watching football...oh, and still has the hot skinny wife who whines at you and stamps her foot, and oh, isn't she cute? I hope your book FAILS LIKE MOST OF YOUR MOVIES!
Yes, I am bitter. I'm bitter about all these sitcoms and commercials that have all these lard ass Dad's and these anorexic looking wives. I know this has been written about before, but why haven't any changes been made? What do you think the casting agents are saying?
"Okay, we need an actor to play the Dad in this SO not funny sitcom. But, we need something wholesome for our advertisers. So, we need an 'everyday' guy, like John Goodman was in Rosanne. One Big Funny Teddybear! But, wait! Don't make the wife as fat as Rosanne! We don't want America to know the average size for a woman is 14. God No! We need a little eye candy to be in the kitchen and hauling around that laundry basket while she shakes her ta-tas in Juicy Couture sweats. Who should we get?
Jamie Gertz: taken by Still Standing
Leah Remini: taken by King of Queens
Courtney Thorne Smith: taken by According to Jim
Marge: taken by the Simpsons
Okay, it killed me to add that last one, since that's one of my faves. So, here is what I want to see for the next sitcom. Maybe Delta Burke married to Grant Show? She gets all the jokes while he has to play her wing man?
WHY ARE WE MOVING BACKWARDS? THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN'! I DON'T EVEN WATCH THESE SITCOMS (other than the Simpsons of course) BUT IT MAKES ME SICK TO SEE THIS TREND.
Okay, I'm going to go into a mental collapse if I keep on writing!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Nursery Rhymes for Mommies
I'm not one for the traditional nursery rhymes. I don't even think we own any Mother Goose books, come to think of it. When I read to my daughters, I like to change the wording around...the princess' go away to college, travel and THEN marry if they so choose to. Or if I'm tired I say 'and they lived as friends for a very long time.' We did have a Humpty Dumpty book though, which our oldest daughter would worry very much about Humpty falling. Even though he was put back together again, daughter said 'he's not the same.' So, we stopped reading that one!
On Another Note:
Baby Powder is having a very interesting discussion about breastfeeding. I won't go into it here since I am very much done with it, thank you very much. But, I really do find all the difference of opinions pretty fascinating reading. Go check out the posts, interesting I tell ya!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Why you crying Mama?
You know when your pms-ing, how weepy you get. I know I have written about this before, but WHY DO PEOPLE AND ANIMALS ALWAYS HAVE TO DIE IN DISNEY MOVIES? My kids were watching Brother Bear and I caught a snippet, and just the opening scene when they were running after the bear trying to kill it made me start sniffling. When I went back to see if the movie was almost over, the mama bear was coming back from heaven to hold her cub, Koda and the spirits were turning the young man back into a bear so he could take care of Koda. All these spirits coming back from the other side! A Mama Bear is gone but looking down on her cub from Heaven! The brother from Heaven is trying to show his other brothers not to kill and to honor nature! The weepy music! Let's start the waterworks people. I had to quickly go to the sink to pretend to do dishes so my daughters wouldn't see me crying.
I remember my Mom taking us to see E.T. way back when. The part where Elliott flies up into the sky with his bike, was more than I could handle. Let's not even talk about when E.T. says goodbye. But, I was a teenager and hormonal anyway, so it was okay to cry. I will never forget though, a little boy was sitting on his Daddy's lap in front of me and the boy said, 'Daddy, why are you crying?'
Though, on a cheery note, I did take my kids to go see 'Over the Hedge' and it was just all out good fun. Loved the characters and it just made us all laugh.
Let's have more of those cheery movies please...I'm begging the animators, for my sanity and for both my daughters. And, so I won't have to go digging around for used Kleenex in my purse in a dark theater. Thank you.